If It Were Vanity, You Could Be Charged with a Hate Crime

Accounting peon #1: This pen leaks. I look like I killed a smurf with my bare hands.
Accounting peon #2: Which smurf?
Accounting peon #1: Jokey.
Accounting peon #2: Nice.

Westridge
Watsonville, California

Overheard by: Happens to me too.

Posted on April 10, 2008
California, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Death, Default, Employees, Sensory Experiences, TV, Violence

To Use a Completely Hypothetical Example.

Professor: So, you know how if you feed your sister-in-law’s kid a lot of sugar and caffeine, and he gets all crazy-like and runs around screaming? Well, that’s like exciting the molecule. And after a while, the excitement dies down, and he hits something. Like a wall. And if you’re lucky, he vomits. Fluorescence is the vomit of molecule excitation.

High Point University
High Point, North Carolina

Overheard by: This is what we’re teaching the leaders of tomorrow?

Posted on April 8, 2008
Accidents, Compare and contrast, Default, Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Education, Family, North Carolina, Places, Substance Use & Abuse, Teachers

Got My Algorithms in the Air Like I Just Don’t Care!

Software programmer, rapping while coding: Encrypt that shit! Encrypt that shit! Keep those bitches out of our shit!

Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on April 8, 2008
Default, Employees, Georgia, Insults, Music, Places, Tech People

To Be Fair, Though, It Also Ebbs.

Systems administrator: No, it isn’t a flowchart, it’s a chart that just happens to flow.

Aberdeen
Scotland
United Kingdom

Overheard by: Auditor in the corner

Posted on April 7, 2008
Admins, Compare and contrast, Default, Places, Tech People, UK, Words

Dude, You Need to Quit Watching The L Word

Developer, talking about boss: Yeah, and I was giving him crap because he wouldn’t come out with us because his wife’s gay… I mean pregnant!

State & Water
Peoria, Illinois

Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…

Posted on April 4, 2008
Default, Dumb Employees, Family, Gossip, Gripes, Illinois, Places, Sexuality, Words

I Need to Know Whether Asking Murphy* Out Will Require Tapping My Foot in a Bathroom Stall

Man: Is Murphy* a man? Or a woman?
Woman: Does it matter?
Man: Um yeah. I was going to ask Terry out, and the shape of his? Her? Genitals rather matters to me.
Woman: Bigot.

Church in Victoria
British Columbia
Canadia

Posted on April 4, 2008
Body Parts, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Feelings, Friends, Insults, Physical Appearance, Places, Questions, Sexuality

Cassius Clay! You’ve Got a Point!

Clueless bible-thumper chick: Everyone should have to see “Passion of the Christ” so they wouldn’t take our Lord’s name in vain anymore. And do you notice how it’s only God’s name that they use? You never hear anyone saying “Oh, Muhammad Ali this, or Muhammad Ali that”.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Poor Jebus

Posted on April 3, 2008
Advice, California, Cinema, Compare and contrast, Default, Dumb Employees, Education, Names, Places, Religion, Religious folk

Like Every Issue of Every Women’s Magazine

Female peon: Linda*, I heard you are on a diet again!
Linda: Why? D’you have a diet?
Female peon: No, I am just clarifying. This way when I see you eat certain things, I can remind you that you are on a diet.

New York City, New York