20‐something female coworker: Ooooh! Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go! For real, ya’ll, that’s the best book ever written. Well…other than, like, the bible.

Charleston, South Carolina

Employee #1: It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Carmen is gonna get them eventually.
(long pause)
Employee #2: It’s “karma,” dumbass!

Hawthorne, California

Overheard by: thanks, carmen.

Co‐worker #1: Hey, look at this expense report. It says he took $50
cab rides everyday and he has no receipts! He’s milking us.
Co‐worker #2: Wow! But don’t say that to our boss. She’s Jewish too.

4301 N. Fairfax Drive
Arlington, Virginia

Psychiatrist to nurse practitioner: There is a special place in Dante’s inferno for these insurance companies that require pre‐authorizations. And you know what? They’ll need a pre‐authorization to get in.

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: amber

Coworker #1: So you saw her at church then, that is kinda cool.
Coworker #2: Yeah, because at least I know she isn’t out getting gang‐banged on a Sunday, which is nice.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Professor Awesome

Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: What do you think of what I am wearing?
Secular Muslim salesgirl #2: I’m glad you asked, it’s bizarre. Why are you wearing such a short skirt? It’s winter! And is that shirt actually lingerie? And why are you wearing a veil? Especially with all this? I’ve never seen you wear a veil!
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: My grandmother put glue in my shampoo bottle to try to force me to cover my hair and dress more conservatively. I didn’t have time to fix it. I had to wear a veil. And the rest… well, I couldn’t let her win.

Clothing Store
Bosnia and Herzegovina

Female coworker #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there myself. So I bought one of ’em. It was like a regular condom, but it had these little pink things…
Female coworker #2: You bought a french tickler?
Female coworker #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our table and started using it as a volleyball. It was really fun for a while, and then I spiked it into the priest’s head and we were asked to leave the reception.

Albany, New York

Overheard by: Doubled over Coworker

Manager: Yeah, my uncle owns a car lot — he’s a Jew.
Worker: Oh, your uncle is Jewish?
Manager: No, he just rips people off.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: She did not just say that!

Secretary: You can’t do that!
VP: I’m like Bush. I answer to God.
Secretary: You answer to me!
VP: Isn’t that what I just said?

10559 Citation Drive
Brighton, Michigan

Overheard by: Abigail Fisher 

Employee on phone: I was just calling to confirm that we can show your house all this weekend. I know you don’t usually show on Saturdays, but since you’ll be out of town for the weekend, can we show on Saturday also?
Eccentric homeowner: Oh, no! The Sabbath is for eternity!

Real estate office
Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: K the Amazing Receptionist