Male peon #1: Does anybody want anything from the vending machine?
Female peon: Bring me back some Jesus!
Male peon #2: I’ll just take a ginger ale.
Boston, Massachusetts
Male peon #1: Does anybody want anything from the vending machine?
Female peon: Bring me back some Jesus!
Male peon #2: I’ll just take a ginger ale.
Boston, Massachusetts
Blonde desk assistant: When is Christmas this year?
Editor: Tuesday, I think.
Blonde desk assistant: No, I mean what day? Like, the 25th?
Editor: Um… Yeah. The 25th.
Blonde desk assistant: But I thought that was Christmas Eve! When is Christmas Eve, then? [Editor stares.] Give me a break — I’m a Jew.
TV station broadcast center
New York, New York
Overheard by: News Bunny
Chick #1: Did you know that they’re making Coke kosher for Passover?
Chick #2: [Blank stare.]Chick #1: They’re putting sugar in it.
Chick #2: [Continues to stare.]Chick #1: Normally, it has corn syrup in it.
Chick #2: … Oh! The soda!
200 Varick Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mardi
Boss #1: You going to mass to get your ashes done?
Boss #2: Oh, Jesus, I forgot all about that! Is it Ash Wednesday?
Tennessee
Restaurant manager shooing out two vagrants: Guys, you’ll have to leave. Go on.
Vagrant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restaurant manager, taken aback: Actually, I’m Catholic and the klan is very anti-Catholic.
Vagrant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restaurant manager: You’re wrong. Class dismissed. Now get your ass out of here or I’ll have the dish washers put you two motherfuckers in the trash compactor, ass-to-mouth.
Vagrant #1: You a bad Catholic!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Attorney: Okay, I’m leaving to catch my train now — it’s Rosh Hashanah.
Receptionist: Wow! You’re a Jew, too? There are so many of you people in this office!
Big law firm
New York, New York
Investor: Forget about it, I’ve got to go, because it’s almost Shabbos.
Realtor: What happens when the sun goes down? Are you, like, a vampire or something?
Investor: We just chill.
Cleveland, Ohio
Amateur theologian: … And something else I was thinking — it’s like, people always say, ‘Well, the cowboys are God’s team.’ No, they’re not! It doesn’t matter who wins. God knew who was gonna win 1000 years ago!
333 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: fransen comes alive
Black coworker: Oh, it’s Hanukkah! That’s why I keep seeing so many Jews around.
Jewish coworker: What the fuck? You just wait until Martin Luther King day and see what I say to you…
42nd Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York
Coworker: Yeah, I call my husband the ‘Pentecostal Pervert’! He married me when I was 13.
UC Davis Hospital
Davis, California
