Young office worker: I need some Catholic classes or something. I get all confused about the Bible characters and Jesus.
Manager: Why not go to church? Or maybe when you go to college, they’ll have a Bible study. Lots of kids do that.
Young office worker: I need something before then. I need Jesus for Dummies so I can catch up!
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: the cubicle right outside
Cube rat #1: I can’t explain my parents. They will have a problem with me dating a black guy, but the funny thing is my sister married a Jewish guy and they don’t seem to care. And, you know, what’s the difference between a black man and a white man? It’s just different skin colors. But there are real differences between Christian and Jewish people.
Cube rat #2: You’re absolutely right. Jewish people go to church on Saturday.
Cube rat #11: That’s right.
Cube rat #12: And they peel their food.
Madison Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: People in the Sun
Engineer #1: July 21st–is that the equinox or the solstice? I always get the two mixed up.
Engineer #2 (home-schooled): I dunno… I don't know anything about that satanic stuff.
Mississippi
Cute gay guy: Tome Cruise and Katie Holmes were looking for an apartment on my street.
Female coworker: Oh, really?
Cute gay guy: Yeah, I live on Toorak Road. If they move there, I wanna steal Suri. And have crazy bum sex on my balcony! (demonstrates by thrusting in the air) Take that, Scientology!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Giggling
Male employee: And the worst thing is that we’re not allowed to do anything to stop another attack. No profiling so we don’t offend someone’s religion. To hell with that!
Piedmont, South Carolina
Overheard by: Ape
Employee: What I don't understand is, why did god give the bad guys all the oil?
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Government Worker
Cube dweller #1 (also a Pastor): I’ve always wanted to write a book and call it “Pratfalls in the Pulpit”.
Cube dweller #2: “Crap Falls in your Pocket?”
Cube dweller #1: Well, that’s appropriate, too.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tuna
Office lady to another: And that's why I think god created technology.
Puyallup, Washington
Nurse: The patient in Room 39* requested a visit from a Mormon priest.
Chaplain: Really? I’ll have to call one, give me a moment. [Opens notebook] Ah, here we go. [Dials phone, waits] Hi, this is Chaplain Smith* at the hospital. I’m calling about a patient who would like a visit from a Mormon clergy-person. I haven’t visited with the patient, so I don’t know if he is a member of your congregation, but he did specifically request a visit from a Mormon. Feel free to call me back at 555-3418* when you get this message. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a message on their voicemail. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses check their messages often.
Nurse: Jehovah’s Witnesses…?
Chaplain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: another witness
