Hostess: I don’t know why they’re getting married. They don’t even have kids!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Hostess: I don’t know why they’re getting married. They don’t even have kids!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Boss: Why didn’t you build those three displays last night?
Night guy: I couldn’t find the stuff to do it with.
Boss, going back and pointing to the only three pallets of stuff in the back room: This is the stuff you couldn’t find all night?
Night guy: You should have put in my note that I should look harder.
Albertson’s
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Bill
Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith’s* estate tax return! Why didn’t you tell me to check my inbox?? There’s all kinds of stuff in there that hasn’t gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don’t happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you’ll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?
900 East Hill Avenue
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: She’s Not Psychic
Co-Worker: I sent out the class rosters for summer term to all the faculty and got an e-mail back from one guy wanting to know why he can’t find his name on the list. Because it’s the list of his students! How did he get to be a teacher!?
1400 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: The Temp
Co-Worker #1: I was just over at [your new boss]’s office, and the first thing I noticed was that it’s really quiet over there!
Co-Worker #2: Oh, I know.
Co-Worker #1: No, really, you’re going to go crazy! It was almost nine o’clock, and nobody was talking! You’ll have to play yourself some music or something.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: So I decided what I’ll do is call you sometimes and just yell over the phone!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Worker #1: I went to all the liquor stores this morning, and they were closed. They don’t open until 10 AM.
Worker #2: Well, that’s retarded. Haven’t they ever heard of mimosas?
Worker #1: Or alcoholics?
37 West 20 Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: shenanigan
Guy in cubicle #1: What are you doing?
Guy in cubicle #2: Looking at rivers that can kill ya!
349 Mitchell Street
Groton, Connecticut
Overheard by: Livonthedge
Blocked writer: Do you know how hard it is to write a useful, edifying sermon when you’ve got “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me” stuck in your head?
1701 Delancey
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Anne-Cara
Director: If I mail underwear, I’ll get fired.
Direct mail department of a conservative Catholic organization
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Chuckles to Himself
Walking man: Hey, John.
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What?
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What are you, five? This is a professional office.
Sitting man: You fell for it.
Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dennis Carroll