Consultants

Consultant on phone: Is a part of the transition plan cloning yourself?

330 University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario

Consultant: This meeting is just too important to involve company employees.

100 East Rivercenter Boulevard
Covington, Kentucky

Consultant: First she was in Picture magazine, and that was okay. Then it was People magazine, and that was all right. But then she did Hustler, and that one really disturbed me. I mean, it’s strange to look at porn magazines and see your daughter naked, y’know?

44 Phillip Street
Parramatta, New South Wales
Australia

Consultant #1: Where is [Jeff]?
Consultant #2: He’s not in my cubicle. That leaves the rest of the universe for you to search.
Consultant #1: Is he at lunch?
Consultant #2: If you’re going to start looking, do it now. The universe closes at 5.

250 Broadway
New York, NY

Specialist: This guy’s name is September…that can’t be right.
Boss: Not in January, it isn’t.

2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Specialist: He thought it was “unfair” that we’d charge him a fee for cashing out his certificate before the maturity date.
Boss: He’s lucky he was talking to you. I’d have told him, “I had to put my cat to sleep last night; that’s unfair.”

2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Analyst: Lehman Brothers called about the kegs order.

156 West 56th Street
New York, NY

Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.

701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Originator: Two charts are just great. Very helpful. Two is a lot more
than one.
VP: Yeah, it’s like twice as much.

910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas

Speaker: What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Attendee: Jumped off a bridge into a river in Fiji.
Speaker: Why’d you do that?
Attendee: ‘Cause Tony Robbins told me to.

481 8th Avenue
New York, NY