Boss pointing to bathroom stall: If you need me, I’ll be in my office, haha.
Employee: Um, I’m not gonna ask you anything while you’re taking a shit.
Boss: Oh, I’m not taking a shit. I’m just gonna sit in there and play Tetris on my phone.
Dexter Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Guy descending escalator: Every time I pull down my pants I look down and it’s like, ‘Oh! I forgot it was there.’
Pier 70
Seattle, Washington
Coworker: I bought some new gi-normous pearls — they’re like testicles!
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoltarpanaflex
Quality manager: Well, why doesn’t it work?
Software manager: Because we didn’t write it that way.
Redmond, Washington
Copy chief: I’d rather see hooters than toe fungus any day.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Female coworker: So, we have to keep the media room locked now, because the janitor is all upset about the mess the high school kids make.
Male coworker: What kind of mess?
Female coworker: He says they leave gum all over the floor.
Male coworker: What?! That’s so incredibly disgusting!
Female coworker, surprised: You think so?
Male coworker: Yes! I can’t believe it!
Female coworker: You never did anything like that when you were a teenager?
Male coworker, highly indignant: I certainly did not!
Female coworker: You never chewed gum and spat it out on the floor?
Male coworker: Oh… I thought you said ‘cum‘ on the floor…
Washington
Overheard by: juicy fruit
Coworker on phone: Quick, think of a biracial vegetable!
Seattle, Washington
Female coworker: I’m so tired of being alone but it’s impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.
Male coworker: Who?
Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.
Male coworker: Oh he’s been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?
Female coworker: Didn’t I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he’d been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn’t want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.
Male coworker: Maybe because he’s a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?
Female coworker: There is that…But I bet he wouldn’t have bored me.
Small town, Washington
Overheard by: i’m lonely too – but not that lonely
Customer: That’s a pretty name. Different.
Cashier: Yeah, you don’t see it much up here. It’s Mexican.
Customer: Don’t you mean it’s Spanish?
Cashier: No, it’s Mexican in origin.
Customer: Racist.
Sprague and Sullivan
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: It’s this whole other country
Little girl, pointing at Ann Coulter’s Godless: Who’s that lady, daddy?
Dad: She’s some crazy lady who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
Little girl: She looks like she should be in movies.
Dad: [Shocked silence]Little girl: But not very good movies.
Dad: Ha! That’s my girl.
Auntie’s Bookstore
402 West Main Avenue
Spokane, Washington
