Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.

701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Barmaid: I know, but it’s funnier as an STD.

Seattle, Washington

Bagger: What kind of bag would you like?
Dismissive shopper: You pick. I haven’t been here in a while, so I don’t know what the options are.

7504 Aurora Avenue North
Seattle, Washington

Lady worker on phone: So, is this a bring-your-own-rubber-chicken kind of party?

Coffee brewery corporate center
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Gryndyl

Writer, presenting: I tried to get out of the way and let the thing be the thing, here.

Renton, Washington

Co-worker #1: Wow! That’s the longest email I’ve ever gotten from a customer.
Co-worker #2: Really? What is it?
Co-worker #1: [Kateunderscorelee]@yahoo.com
Co-worker #2: That’s not long…Oh! Um, do you know what an “underscore” is? You don’t spell it out.

1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Chris Shard

Employee accompanied by small child: I smashed it on the ground and then I hit it with a chair, and now it feels like it's on fire. It's not, but it feels that way.
Small child: (inaudible)
Employee: No, I don't think any blood's coming out.

Redmond, Washington

Coworker #1: So you saw her at church then, that is kinda cool.
Coworker #2: Yeah, because at least I know she isn't out getting gang-banged on a Sunday, which is nice.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Professor Awesome

Cube rat #1: My mouse is being such a pain lately.
Cube rat #2: You should get one of those mouses that, y’know, doesn’t have a cord. Oh, man, what are those called, again?
Cube rat #1: Um, a cordless mouse?

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: I work with monkeys

Man: *Erica, the phone’s for you.
Old coworker: What?
Man: It’s for *Erica!
Old man: Oh, ok. [picks up the phone] Hello?… Oh, hold on. [puts phone down] *Erica, the phone’s for you!

Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC