Chick #1: Sometimes when I’m not wearing a bra and I don’t want my nipples to poke out I put Band-Aids over them.
Chick #2: You put mayonnaise on your nipples?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
Chick #2: Mayonnaise?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
9th and Broad Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Coworker #1: The new fix is now in place.
Coworker #2: Is this the fix that fixes the unknown thing we don’t know about or the other thing?
Coworker #1: The unknown thing.
Oxford
United Kingdom
Hiring manager to IT guy: We have an applicant who says he has some python under his belt, and I was wondering if there were any questions I should ask him.
6475 SW Fallbrook Place
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: IT guy
Girl recording office voicemail: If you know the person you are wishing to enter… Shit, that’s not right.
Jubilee Road
Muncy, Pennsylvania
Employee to systems guy: So, first of all, we want the truth.
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Corporate peon: Did you get my message?
Field rep: No, did you leave one?
Corporate peon: Well… No.
909 Lake Carolyn Parkway
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: Bigness
Chick: Excuse me, do you know where I could find bedding?
Salesclerk with very heavy accent: Bedding suit?
Chick: No, not bathing suits — bedding.
Salesclerk: [Blank stare.]Chick: You know, pillowcases? Sheets?
Salesclerk: [Blank stare.]Chick: Never mind.
Saks Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
Mailroom worker: I can’t take him to the Christmas party — he oh beast!
Receptionist: He’s a beast? You mean he’s ugly?
Mailroom worker: No, he’s fat. Like really fat. He’s oh beast.
Floor 7, 9460 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, California
Old guy: Small fish and chips.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes.
Old guy: What? I’m very deaf.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes!
Old guy: What? I can’t hear you.
Italian vendor: No fish! Have a look here [points to other menu items].
Old guy: I can’t see so well. Just get me a fish and chips.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Why are you talking to me?! I can’t hear well! Just get me a fish.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Are you stupid? I’m deaf and nearly blind, just get me a fish and chips! God, you’d think you didn’t have any fish!
Edinburgh, Scotland
United Kingdom
Female coworker: So, we have to keep the media room locked now, because the janitor is all upset about the mess the high school kids make.
Male coworker: What kind of mess?
Female coworker: He says they leave gum all over the floor.
Male coworker: What?! That’s so incredibly disgusting!
Female coworker, surprised: You think so?
Male coworker: Yes! I can’t believe it!
Female coworker: You never did anything like that when you were a teenager?
Male coworker, highly indignant: I certainly did not!
Female coworker: You never chewed gum and spat it out on the floor?
Male coworker: Oh… I thought you said ‘cum‘ on the floor…
Washington
Overheard by: juicy fruit
