Phone rep: Yes, Jerry* is here. Would you like me to punch him?
915 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sarah R
Phone rep: Yes, Jerry* is here. Would you like me to punch him?
915 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sarah R
Values trainer, on being equal opportunity employer: … And, just so you know, the Midwest office gave an offer to a paraplegic last month. He’s paralyzed from the neck down — can’t move anything below the neck. So there’s a great example of the firm walking the talk.
55 East 52nd Street
New York, New York
Waitress #1: I can’t tuck this corner. I suck at folding napkins.
Waitress #2: We should just make a monopoly line with this.
Waitress #1: [Stares blankly.]Waitress #2: You know, a monopoly line? I’ll start it, you finish it. We’ll get this done faster.
34 Cooper Square
New York, New York
Blonde desk assistant: When is Christmas this year?
Editor: Tuesday, I think.
Blonde desk assistant: No, I mean what day? Like, the 25th?
Editor: Um… Yeah. The 25th.
Blonde desk assistant: But I thought that was Christmas Eve! When is Christmas Eve, then? [Editor stares.] Give me a break — I’m a Jew.
TV station broadcast center
New York, New York
Overheard by: News Bunny
Customer: Do you guys have any rooms available?
Front desk: No, sir. Unfortunately, we are completely sold out. If you like, I can give you the number of a few hotels in the area that have availability.
Customer, leaving and giving the finger: Does it look like I have a goddamn phone on me?
Front desk: I’d be more than happy to call them for you, sir.
Customer: Fuck you.
Front desk: Okay, sir. Have a wonderful night.
Elmira, New York
Peon: Uh, Jim*, do you have anywhere I can put a floppy dick? … Uh… Disk?
Jim: Niiice.
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: defragment my hard-drive
Cashier to friend: One morning I woke up sober…
Clothing store
Houston Street
New York, New York
Drone #1: Hey, where were you Saturday night? The ladies were all up on this.
Drone #2: I went to a birthday party.
Drone #1: Hehehehe… What a dumb waste of time. Whose birthday party was it?
Drone #2: Mine.
Drone #1: Oh… Happy birthday.
377 South Oyster Bay Road
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: tonyg
Young woman: Do you want your patients to die?
Older woman: Well, that would be one approach.
Rochester, New York
Maintenance guy: You gotta get your key out real quick or they’re gonna swing an ax.
420 Western Avenue
Albany, New York
