Nurse on phone: I’m sorry, she said she doesn’t want to talk to you… Uh huh… Well, we can’t make a patient talk to someone on the phone… I’m sorry, that’s what she said. You’re her husband, right? Oh, you’re her mother! Just a moment, please.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Staffer: I understand you want to complete a living will.
Patient: That’s right.
Staffer: Do you know what this means?
Patient: Yes, it means I don’t want to be kept alive if I’m in a persistent vegetarian state.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Patient: Can I have your home number? I promise not to call you all the time. Only in case of an emergency.
Doctor: Um, I don’t give out my home number. If you are having an emergency, you need to go to the emergency room.
Patient: But they don’t know my medical history!
Doctor: But I live two hours from you. You’ll receive medical care quicker by simply going to the emergency room. Besides, all your medical history can be pulled up on their computer.
Patient: So….you’re not going to give me your number?
616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
Obese hillbilly: Yeah, my girl come to get a pregnancy test.
Older Southern lady: I see.
Obese hillbilly: I told her if she would just let me go fishing more we wouldn’t be dealing with this shit.
Thomas County Health Department
Thomasville, Georgia
Nurse: Is there a reason that there’s a “no pregnant women” sign on that room? Because the patient in there is pregnant.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
Chick: I never understood the design of that thing, but I've had it in my mouth a thousand times.
Dude: Yeah, me too.
Dental Office
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I've never had it in mouth
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: What do you think of what I am wearing?
Secular Muslim salesgirl #2: I'm glad you asked, it's bizarre. Why are you wearing such a short skirt? It's winter! And is that shirt actually lingerie? And why are you wearing a veil? Especially with all this? I've never seen you wear a veil!
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: My grandmother put glue in my shampoo bottle to try to force me to cover my hair and dress more conservatively. I didn't have time to fix it. I had to wear a veil. And the rest… well, I couldn't let her win.
Clothing Store
Sarajevo
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.
Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida
Patient: Where’s the bathroom?
Receptionist: On your way out, you can just go in that corner.
Dentist’s Office
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Avoiding the corner
Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.
Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey
