Office monkey #1: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn’t?
Office monkey #3: Then it won’t be.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Office monkey #4
Office monkey #1: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn’t?
Office monkey #3: Then it won’t be.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Office monkey #4
Female coworker: Do you think you can have your nipples removed? I mean, I would never do it, but for a man? He doesn’t need them. They don’t breastfeed, so they’re totally useless. I would be disturbed if I ever saw a man lactating… Yeah, this is why I shouldn’t think.
Doughnut shop
Quincy, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Disturbed Coworker
Jersey office girl: Hey, my little dumpling!
Russian office girl: Dumpling?
Jersey office girl: Yeah! You’re my little dumpling!
Russian office girl: A dumpling is not so nice. I’d rather be a bread stick.
West 28th Street
New York, New York
Worker bee: There’s nothing more romantic than porn falling on your head…
Palmer Street
Missoula, Montana
Office assistant #1: Oh, I see you got braces. Congrats. But aren’t they awfully expensive?
Office assistant #2: Yeah, but it’s worth it… At least my future children will have straight teeth!
Moscow
Russia
Coworker: Can I get the first initial of your last name?
Insurance rep: ‘C’ as in ‘pussy.’
Coworker: I’m sorry — ‘C’ as in what?!
Insurance rep: ‘C’ like ‘pussy.’ You know — pussycat.
Doctor’s office
Dallas, Texas
Worker #1: See this article on how ice makes you gain weight?
Worker #2: That’s so true, because if you drop an ice cube in your stomach it has to melt before it can be absorbed.
Staten Island
New York
Peon, reading: ‘The essence of client trust accounting is contained in these three words: Client, trust, accounting.’ Really? I would have thought more like, ‘Thermometer, Frankenstein, candle.’
Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Jeffner
Attorney: Can we file this psychopathically?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Legal Cube-Dweller
Worker bee: Oh my god! I’m so excited, I’m gonna pee on the carpet! I got the e-mail about that 11-thousand-dollar deal! [Stands up up and lifts leg] Psss… Psss… Look at me! I’m the cat! I’m peeing on the carpet!
Nashville, Tennessee
