General Idiocy

Receptionist: What are the new shirts made out?
Clerk: They’re 100% cotton.
Receptionist: Cotton? That’s the stuff that grows on sheep, right?
Clerk: No, cotton comes from rabbits. That’s why they’re called cottontails.

10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada

Regional Director: So our biggest problem last year was we tried to take over the whole world, and the whole world is a big place. We need to think small, concentrate on taking over individual countries first…like Wisconsin.

2100 South Priest Drive
Tempe, Arizona

Worker: [Bryan]’s sick today; he IMed me and said he needs one of us to come to his house and give him a sponge bath.

1831 Chestnut Street
St. Louis, Missouri

Administrator: [Les], do you have any overdue surveys?
[Les]: No, I don’t.
Administrator: You don’t have any surveys due before the 26th?
[Les]: No, the only surveys I have were due on the 23rd and the 24th.

811 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Boss: Okay, it’s nearly 5, so we’re going to take a different approach to the voting this time. After the meeting minutes are completed, I’ll email all of our ideas to everyone tomorrow, and you can email me back your votes for the best one.
Underling: Are we voting today or tomorrow?

425 Park Avenue
New York, NY

Scheduler: So, I just called this girl in for an interview and she asks me what she should bring with her. Would you ever ask that? That’s so weird. What should you bring? Some tennis balls and a racquet, what do you think you should bring?

700 South Henderson Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

Co-worker: I don’t really pay that much attention to politics. I mean, I don’t even know the difference between a Republican and a Dominican.

Sullivan Barracks
Mannheim, Germany

Team Member #1: That lady on the street was laughing at you.
Team Member #2: Why? I was trying to make you laugh, not her.
Team Member #1: Why? Because of what you did! No one does that here!
Team Member #2: I’m just trying to bring diversity to the office…
Team Member #1: By doing that?
Team Member #2: Could you just try to not make fun of me for one day?
Just try?

201 3rd Street
San Francisco, California

Producer: My friend went to the Galapagos Islands and was astounded. They have birds called blue boobies. Google “blue boobies”. You’ll see pictures of them.
Suit: I’m not searching for blue boobies on my computer. I’ll get called into the office for a talk.
Producer: Oh, I’ll do it…see?
Suit: Wow, who would have thought that would’t have brought up a porn site?

1910 South Highland Avenue
Lombard, Illinois

Clerk #1: My bladder hurts.
Clerk #2: What for?
Clerk #1: I was holding it all morning, and then I finally went, and now it’s been hurting.
Clerk #2: You probably shouldn’t do that. Your bladder can explode, you know.

49275 Electron Drive
San Diego, California