General Idiocy

Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.

Minot, North Dakota

Overheard by: Taggart Snyder

Drone #1: I hate moving. My stuff’s everywhere. I’m living in squalor!
Drone #2: I don’t know where that is.

Glen Lake Drive
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: sladeripfire

Clerk #1: Sorry, I’m a little dyslexic.
Clerk #2: My dog died of dyslexia!

1901 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Office Droid

Supervisor: We can’t say ‘Summer Solutions’ on this brochure, because it might confuse people in California because it’s summer all the time there. Any ideas of how to reword this?
Staffer: It’s not summer all the time in California. It’s summer during summer time.
Supervisor: But it’s warm all year round, so how do they know it’s summer? We need a way to explain that these things are only intended for the summer.
Staffer: But they still know what summer is, even if it’s still warm during the other seasons.
Supervisor: I’m not sure about that…
Staffer: Summer isn’t about temperature, it’s about the direction of Earth’s axis. Summer is always in June, July, and August. It always starts with the solstice in June.
Supervisor: I don’t know anything about solstices and all that. Let’s just reword this.
Staffer: But California still has a summer. I’m telling you, they know what summer is.
Supervisor: I don’t know. They might get confused.
Staffer: Confused about what?
Supervisor: Confused about when summer is. Like, it’s summer right now, ’cause it’s been warm lately.
Staffer: No… April is in the spring.

Delaware

Overheard by: rofl in cube next door

Boss: You know, if you’re behind the train, then you’re probably driving on the tracks again.

200 West Oak Street
Fort Collins, Colorado

Supervisor: I have to clean this place up today before one of the company reps shows up!
Worker: Are they bringing us some squishy balls?!
Supervisor: No… Oh, not that kind of rep — this guy is from one of the companies that pays us.
Worker: What? Are they at least bringing some candy? Candy! Candy! Candy! Yay, candy!

University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Rasputin

Office manager: Have you ever seen the images from an MRI? It’s amazing the beautiful colors that are inside of our bodies!

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: glorified gopher

Suit: I’d do it just to say I had hair on my ass.

385 3rd Avenue
New York, New York

Chick #1: Did you know that they’re making Coke kosher for Passover?
Chick #2: [Blank stare.]Chick #1: They’re putting sugar in it.
Chick #2: [Continues to stare.]Chick #1: Normally, it has corn syrup in it.
Chick #2: … Oh! The soda!

200 Varick Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Mardi

Coworker #1: She got to the point where she couldn’t leave the house anymore. She had that — what do you call it — homophobia.
Coworker #2: Ah, I think you mean ‘agoraphobia.’
Coworker #1: No, I’m pretty sure it’s homophobia.
Coworker #2: … If you say so.

187 Thomas Street
Sydney
Australia