Editor to coworker whose loud text alert goes off in meeting: Matt*, when your crotch cries out, we all stop and take notice.
Bay Avenue
Stafford, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
Editor to coworker whose loud text alert goes off in meeting: Matt*, when your crotch cries out, we all stop and take notice.
Bay Avenue
Stafford, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
Suit: When Barry* is out, who should get this report?
Boss: Give it to Barry — he’s in.
Suit: When I asked Susan* I thought she said he wasn’t working today.
Boss: She’s absolutely right. But he is here today.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Manager: Yes, next week we’ll all be in Mexico.
Woman #1: I hope you are going to relax this vacation.
Manager: I feel if I don’t run around and see everything, I’m wasting the experience.
Woman #2: Let me explain something clearly to you: vacation is sex, food, sleep, more sex, more sex.
Manager: [Stunned.]Woman #2: That’s why you never come back relaxed. Sex, sex, nap, sex. Repeat that.
Garden State Mall
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Woman #3
Cop: Is there any such thing as too many crackheads? I don’t think so. There are just never enough.
Academy Street
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dude
Confused boy at info desk: Um, excuse me, do you know where the books are?
Popular book store
Mays Landing, New Jersey
Overheard by: looking at some right now
Nurse exiting patient’s room: I can’t find my vagina.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: chippy
Woman on phone with son: Jason*! Jason! I can’t talk to you now. I’m in a meeting… I know I’m always in a meeting… I can’t try not to schedule meetings when you get out of school. Yes, you can talk to me for three hours when I get home… I can’t listen to what happened to you today, Jason! Don’t call me back, do you hear me, Jason?! [Hangs up phone. It rings again.] Oh my god, why do kids need attention?!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cubicle Right Outside
Customer on phone: How much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: 75 gallons.
Customer: No, I said how much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: Ma’am, two hundred dollars will buy you 75 gallons.
Customer, exasperated: No, no, no! How much. Is two hundred dollars. Worth of oil?
Worker bee, confused now: Um… Two hundred dollars?
Customer: That’s what I was askin’ you! Jesus! [Hangs up.]Worker bee: Did she just call up to ask me whether two hundred dollars is worth two hundred dollars?
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gypsy
Suit #1 with backpack: I’ll just be a minute — I gotta go to the men’s room to take a squirt.
Suit #2: Want me to hold your bag while you go?
Suit #1: I hope nobody heard that.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Boss: So, how was everybody’s weekend?
Mother of the year, proudly: I got so drunk at my daughter’s sixth birthday party that I passed out on the couch at three p.m. I think my husband kept an eye on all the kids, but either way, everyone was gone when I woke up at 5:30.
Lebanon, New Jersey
Overheard by: she was gone, too, from the sound of it.
