Dumb Customers

Their Business Model Is Predicated on It

Customer on phone: The plug won’t fit!
IA rep: It’s okay, sir. I just need to confirm that the first device plugged into our router is either a firewall or a computer.
Customer on phone: They… They just won’t connect!
IA rep: We’re looking for an Ethernet line. Is there an Ethernet line coming out of the router? Make sure not to plug or unplug anything. It will take down your voice, too.
Customer on phone: It’s some telephone thingy… Oh, wait! This cord might work– [click].
IA rep: We got another one.

4800 Concentric Boulevard
Saginaw, Michigan

Show ’em How an American Works Himself to Death

American client: Aren’t we supposed to receive last month’s results soon?
French staffer: Normally, yes, but Easter was only last Sunday.
American client: So?
French staffer: Well, it means we’re only in the first week of a two-week holiday. So everything will be ready in three weeks.
American client: What? Do those fucking socialist dicksippers really have two weeks off for Easter?! You know, when I retire I’m going to work in France.

125 West 55th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Jean val Jean

I Have a Problem with, Uh, Premature Firing

Customer to help desk support: My gun told me to call you guys.

Airport Road
Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: Alan

Massive — Why?

Purchaser on phone: No, no, the price is fine. I’m just a little concerned about the thickness of the shaft… How exactly is it lubricated? … Well, yeah, with that kind of thickness you are talking major lubrication…

Manufacturing company offices
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Salty

Or One Person, for Seven and a Half Hours

Client: I just want to touch a hundred and fifty people a day for three minutes.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: 1 or 2 at a time?

Enough with the N Word

Clerk: What is your license plate number?
Customer: Five, T like ‘Tom,’ N like ‘Knife,’ L like ‘Lion*,’ five, two, seven*.
Clerk: N like ‘knife’?
Customer: That’s right!

DMV
Virginia

He’s Looking for Something with Souvenir Merchandise

Tourist: Do you have any Opera?
Employee: We have The Marriage of Figaro.
Tourist: Hmmm, no. What about Lion King?

TKTS booth, Leicester Square
London
England

What? The Customer Is Always Right

Customer on cell: Well, I need to go home and put a bra on.
Cashier: Yeah, it looks like it.

Lancaster, Ohio

Overheard by: Wonder Bra

If You Wanted to Know If I Found You Attractive, Bob, All You Had to Do Was Ask.

Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…

16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…

Diagnosis: Stupidity, Aggravated by Shame

Caller: I was trying to complete my request with your voice automated system, but it would not accept my diagnosis code.
Phone rep: Okay… what is your diagnosis code?
Caller: Oh… I don’t have a diagnosis code.

201 West Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Juice

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist