Customer to help desk support: My gun told me to call you guys.
Airport Road
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Alan
Customer to help desk support: My gun told me to call you guys.
Airport Road
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Alan
Guy: Man, having cigarettes without a lighter is like having peanuts without the jelly!
Lady: Don’t you mean butter?
Guy: Oh, no. I got the butter.
1450 East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: smoking some distance away
Worker bee: How many more times are you going to touch those?
Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Clerk: What is your license plate number?
Customer: Five, T like ‘Tom,’ N like ‘Knife,’ L like ‘Lion*,’ five, two, seven*.
Clerk: N like ‘knife’?
Customer: That’s right!
DMV
Virginia
Coworker on phone: I’ll meet you down at the corner. Bring me anything you have that is SpongeBobby or princessy.
East Marshall Street
Richmond, Virginia
Worker girl: I have to clean my room when I get home tonight. Clothing is everywhere.
Worker guy: Why? Are you having someone come over?
Worker girl: Not planning on it, but you never know.
Worker guy: Why the hell do you bother picking up clothing? Maybe if it were actually filthy… But if you’re going to let a guy look at your vagina, he should be willing to deal with a shirt on your floor.
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Well He’s Right
Hung-over guy on cell: I’m telling you, I didn’t rape her! She said we could have sex, right before she passed out.
On way to class
Virginia
Overheard by: I wanted to follow him and keep listening
Insurance rep: Do you know what flood zone you’re in?
Client: What are my choices?
Insurance rep: It’s not really a choice, FEMA assigns them.
North Great Neck Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Action officer: It’s just not the most important undertaking we have, so I’m not going to kill myself to get it done.
Admin assistant: I disagree. I always think you should kill yourself.
Pentagon, 1490 Boundary Channel Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Propagandist
Worker bee #1: FYI, dude, don’t email the CEO on things that don’t concern you. I was already handling that with Dick.
Worker bee #2: I’m sorry, did something happen?
Worker bee #1: Yeah, he flipped out! You just missed my ass getting totally reamed out by Dick! [Long pause.] Did I just say what I thi–
Worker bee #2: –Yeah, you did.
Worker bee #1: Fuck! I’m calling him Richard from now on!
Tysons Corner, Virginia
