Boss: Hello Shannon*, how are you today?
Secretary: Just fine.
Boss: You keepin’ outta trouble?
Secretary: Yes.
Boss: Oh… then you haven’t heard…?
Secretary: What?!
Boss: Nothin’! I’m just messin’ with ya!
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
Manager to department head: That guy is a real Einstein, why did you hire him?
Department head: I didn’t hire him, you did. I call him Einstein.
Manager: You gonna fire him?
Department head: Can’t, you hired him, you gotta fire him.
Manager: Hey, Einstein! Come here for a minute.
Einstein comes up to manager.
Manager: Einstein, anyone ever tell you that you are sharp as a marble?
Einstein: Gee, no, thanks!
Manager: Einstein, you are just too sharp for this job, I have to let you go.
Einstein: GEE! Thanks!
12 Oaks Mall
Novi, Michigan
Male supervisor: Give Janet* one of those chocolate pretzel things. Because she’s going on vacation and doesn’t have to fit into a bathing suit this weekend.
Janet*, aside: I swear, random people have been coming up to me all day asking about my supposed nude beach trip to Jamaica.
Male supervisor: Let it all hang out, baby.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don’t know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you’re on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He’s right there, isn’t he? He’s always right there, lurking…
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?
overheard by: their boss
100 F Street
Washington, DC
Boss: Where is Luke*?
Assistant: He took a day off. His brother got meningitis.
Boss: That’s a bitch. If his brother doesn’t die he will be a complete idiot for the rest of his life.
Assistant: How you know that?
Boss: I had it as a child.
101 North Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Boss #1: What’s he doing up there? We’re not supposed to park there now.
Receptionist: Subverting the dominant paradigm?
Boss #1: Which means?
Receptionist: Breaking the rules?
Boss #1: Hah! That’s great. Hey [Boss #2]! You’re subverting the dominant paradigm!
Boss #2: You don’t know what subvert means!
Boss #1: I don’t know what the hell paradigm means!
Boss #2: Now as for dominant. . .
Boss #1: Shut up!
3211 Martin Luther King Jr. Way S
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lowly Peon
Receptionist: [Jake] from Queer Image is on line one for you.
Coworker: [Jake] from where?
Receptionist: Queer Image.
Coworker: Queer Image?
Receptionist: Uh-huh.
Coworker, giggling, picks up call: [Jake], what company did you say you were calling from? Ohhhhh, CLEAR Image.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: She cracks me up, and she’s not even trying
Employee is showing off her new belly-dancing outfit.
Supervisor: So, you’re really going to belly-dance in public?
Employee: Yeah!
Supervisor: I never really liked going to strip clubs when I was younger.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: I love this place!
Supervisor: Well, when I was a kid, I was really ugly. I had the big thick glasses, I was tiny, it was pretty bad.
Underling: Wow.
Supervisor: Yeah, but it got better around ninth grade. That’s when I turned drop dead sexy.
Underling: So, when did it go away?
250 West Jackson Street
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
