Department Head: So, can we update your job description tomorrow morning?
Employee: No, I have a color correction session to attend.
Department Head: Well, I notice you don’t take lunch. You’re usually at your desk. What about then?
Employee: I do take lunch. I just eat at my desk and read a book or something.
Department Head: Well, how about doing something more productive with that time? Do you want to meet then?
Employee: No.
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Manager: You brought in cake and didn’t include me in the e-mail?
Co-worker: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought I got everyone.
Manager: Bitch.
260 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: briarose
Boss: Where the fuck is my breakfast? Why hasn’t it been delivered yet? I’m not even hungry anymore, I could have raised my own fucking chicken for the eggs and planted my own fucking orange tree by now.
Worker: You didn’t order anything with eggs.
135 West 36th Street
New York, NY
Manager: Does anyone have a vanilla folder?
Underling: A what?
Manager: A vanilla folder?
Underling: A what?
Manager: A vuh-nil-uh folder!
Underling: Sorry, I only have chocolate.
508 Carroll Street
Fort Worth, Texas
CEO: I think we should name [the product] SINBAD after [Janet].
Underling: “SINBAD”?
CEO: Single Income, No Boyfriend, and Desperate.
27 Gillies Avenue
Newmarket, Auckland
New Zealand
Assistant: Yeah, we need one of those industrial-sized–
Director: Oh, I know, you can shred a baby in one of those things!
1050 Thomas Jefferson Street NW
Washington, DC
Cube #1: You know what? I wish I was drinking like…some King Cobra right now.
Cube #2: Oh, I know.
Cube #1: Or like a log of chocolate.
Cube #2: Yeah. Chocolate. In the shape of an actual log.
Cube #1: Yeah.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Manager: It’s just our department in this meeting, [the other department] isn’t coming.
Supervisor: How do you know?
Manager: I went to [Brenda] and asked where her meeting is, and she said she doesn’t have a meeting.
Employee: So if this is our meeting, where are we supposed to be?
Supervisor: I reserved the conference room for my meeting, but the door is closed. Is this my meeting?
Manager: I think so. It’s nobody else’s.
Supervisor: So then, where are we going?
535 Routes 6 & 209
Milford, Pennsyvlania
Office Worker: This file won’t unzip! Unzip, you! Dammit, unzip!
Supervisor: You should try sweet talking it a little bit. Maybe you should buy it dinner first.
105 North Hudson Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Manager: Have a good weekend.
Underling: You’re leaving?
Manager: You’re not.
452 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Bob
