Boss #1: You going to mass to get your ashes done?
Boss #2: Oh, Jesus, I forgot all about that! Is it Ash Wednesday?
Tennessee
Boss #1: You going to mass to get your ashes done?
Boss #2: Oh, Jesus, I forgot all about that! Is it Ash Wednesday?
Tennessee
Managing director: What happened to you?
Warehouse employee: A skid fell on my leg. Don* just left to call me an ambulance.
Managing director: A skid of what?
Warehouse employee: … Ground coriander.
Managing director: That came in today? Great! We’ve been waiting for that.
Warehouse employee: … My leg is broken.
Managing director: And we appreciate that.
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Newbie walking over to Poland Spring water machine: You know, I’ve never known which one of these is colder.
Boss: What you mean?
Newbie: I’ve never been sure if the red tab gives you colder water than the blue tab.
Boss: [Stares.]Newbie: Do you know?
Boss: Yeah. It’s the blue tab.
Newbie: Are you sure?
Boss: [Walks away.]
31 West Grove Street
Middleboro, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ryan Engley
Boss: So, how can we cut our costs?
Engineer #1: We could add cheap filler to the plastic.
Engineer #2: But that would reduce the strength.
Engineer #1: Okay, so it wouldn’t work for a space station, but it will work on a bucket.
2100 Adelbert Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Just passing through
Numbers guy: Wait, where did you get these numbers from?
Boss: Wikipedia.
Numbers guy: We can’t use those numbers!
Boss: Why? Only reliable people post things there so it’s okay to use the numbers in the report to the FDA.
St. Louis, Missouri
Male graphic designer: This looks like a uterus, but it’s supposed to be a cow. Can we use it?
Female boss: You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: Mary
GM: So, how are you doing?
Clerk: Well, I was almost fired today, so, you know, I’ve been crying a lot.
GM: You know what? You should really be having fun out here! Try to have a little fun out here!
Clerk: [Blinks.]GM: Okay! Now I have to go coach Little League!
Howe Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Angry manager: … And you are in no way the Leah* you should be! Do I make myself clear?!
Tearful employee: … Yes.
Angry manager: Are you always like this?
Tearful employee: No, I usually respond well to criticism, it’s just–
Angry manager: –It’s not criticism, it’s feedback!
Pride Park, Derby
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
Restaurant manager shooing out two vagrants: Guys, you’ll have to leave. Go on.
Vagrant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restaurant manager, taken aback: Actually, I’m Catholic and the klan is very anti-Catholic.
Vagrant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restaurant manager: You’re wrong. Class dismissed. Now get your ass out of here or I’ll have the dish washers put you two motherfuckers in the trash compactor, ass-to-mouth.
Vagrant #1: You a bad Catholic!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Manager: Are you going to keep filing those signatures today?
Intern: Yes, unless you have something more exciting for me to do.
Manager: Oh, here, I have some death certificates you could file.
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Yeah, that’s much better
