Bosses and Underlings

Peon: Did you know there’s a Ballsville, Virginia?
Ops manager: Yeah. It’s right in this office.

400 Westfield Road
Charlottesville, Virginia

Marketing manager: Do you want some vegan nuts?
Operations wonk (after long pause): I don't think you should ever say that to me again.

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Septimus

Intern: My uterus is dry-heaving.
Supervisor: Wow.

242 West 38th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Sarah

Lauren*: So I went on this diet and I was eating cream of mushroom soup. And I thought, “wow, this is awfully thick. It's like pudding!” Then I realized you're supposed to put water in it.
Boss: Jesus Christ, Lauren*!
Lauren*: I know, right?
Boss: Why did we hire you again?

Fontana, California

Overheard by: Aeirlys

Guy on speakerphone: How was your weekend?
VP: Good. How was yours?
Guy on speakerphone: Oh, you know — same old, same old… Just spent it trying to avoid my wife.

5690 DTC Boulevard
Greenwood Village, Colorado

Soldier #1: Sir, are you going to do anything while on leave?
Lieutenant, sitting in the one shady spot in the blazing heat: Yeah, I think me and my cousin are going to get some fuckin beers, get all smashed, go out and get tattoos. It's gonna be cool shit. Grab some brews, bitches…way cool.
Soldier #2, walking up: Yeah? Are you going to get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead, dickhead?
(shocked silence)
Lieutenant (thoughtful): Naw…fuck that.


Overheard by: TK- soldier#3 almost peed stopping from laughing

Manager: So Mike* is leaving.
Office peon #1: Will anyone notice? What does he do, anyway?
Office peon #2: He's a fluffer.
Office peon #1: What?!
Office peon #2: What? He, y'know, fluffs out his job so it looks like he's doing more than he is.
Manager to office peon #1: After the meeting, you explain.


Overheard by: EarleyDaysYet

Boss to newbie: Yay! So, tomorrow’s Casual Friday, so you don’t have to wear a tie. I usually wear shorts. You know, you can get away with a lot of casual clothing, but a certain dress code does still apply. You’ve got to wear a shirt… Although, so far no one has tried a wife beater. Hey, that’d be a way for you to make a name for yourself!

Glastonbury Boulevard
Glastonbury, Connecticut

Boss: Mmmm! This pizza’s good.
Employee: Oh, yeah. This deep dish one is great.
Boss: Oh, yeah. I saw that one, but it looked too weird to try.
Employee: Yeah, it’s Chicago style.
Boss: Oh, that’s why. I like just good old American-style pizza.

Frost Bank Building
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: dizzle

Worker: Dammit! I got a paper cut! Agh!
Boss: Better than getting stabbed with a knife, stapled in the eye, or run over by the UPS truck.

9500 Owensmouth Avenue
Chatsworth, California