Bosses and Underlings

20-something scrapbooker: Should I be putting pictures of Auschwitz in here?
Supervisor: I don’t think so!
20-something scrapbooker: I should probably put one… I mean, we went there… I’m gonna make light of it.

570 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Ethan

Employee: We just need the style guide to spell out everything, in complete detail. It’s mainly for like, legal reasons; to cover our bases.
Intern trainee: Oh. So I guess it’s like how blow-dryer labels say “do not put in mouth while in use.” Not like it’s a pressing issue, but there’s always that one retard that’s gonna fuck shit up.
Employee: Uh…sure.
Intern: OK, cool. As long as I’m getting this.

777 San Marin Drive
Novato, California

Overheard by: Max Guevara

Boss to underling: I'm okay with someone coming at me from the front. It's when they come from behind that bothers me.

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Boss: Where did that report go? I have a meeting in less than ten minutes! Where did you put that report?…I just had it! Why do you keep hiding things on me?
Secretary: Look in your briefcase.
Boss: It’s not in my briefcase! I just looked in it! Why would it be in my briefcase?
Secretary: Because you just put it in there, dumbass.
Boss: No, I didn’t! I would know if it’s in my briefcase!
Secretary: You sure?
Boss: Yes! I’m positive! I know it’s not…Oh, here it is.
Secretary: And where was it…?
Boss: In my briefcase.
Secretary: Dumbass…go to your meeting and stop bugging me.
Boss: I have to buy you lunch again, don’t I?
Secretary: Yep. And don’t even think that Burger King is going to cut it this time.

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: mshorty

Female boss, demanding computer use from underling: I want your SAP!


Overheard by: Sean

Co-worker: I didn’t know we were supposed to wear green today. I guess I didn’t get that memo.
Manager: I didn’t get that one either; just the one about the underwear.

6611 Preston Avenue
Livermore, California

Cashier: Is that the one you were engaged to?
Manager: Yes.
Cashier: Who broke it off?
Manager: He did. But I’m glad he did — he was a nutcase.
Cashier: Oh. Really crazy or just strange?
Manager: Crazy. Didn’t I tell you? He proposed to me again at his mother’s funeral after he had broken off the first engagement.
Customer and cashier: What?!
Manager: Yeah. He got down on one knee in front of all his family as they were lowering the freakin’ casket with his dead mother into the ground and asked me to marry him again. I said no, of course.
Cashier: Well, that’s awkward.

Grocery store
New Jersey

Overheard by: Laura

Boss #1: Well, do you have a broomstick?
Boss #2: No, but I guess I could just use my fist.

444 Spear Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: erikrand

Manager: How has his performance been since we counseled him last June?
Subordinate: He’s been real good. He did a complete 350.

7801 Park Place Road
York, South Carolina

Overheard by: K. Boss

Boss: I need you to work your superpowers for me.
Stunned office monkey: In the office?!

Argentia Road

Overheard by: My superpower is top secret