Office worker: Check out this description in this help wanted ad. “Customer relations: Must have the ability to communicate effectively both internally and externally with all customers.”
Aspen, Colorado
They Smell Like Victory!
Asian coworker, looking up abruptly: You know that smell that you get in your nose when you’re done smelling something? I smell meatballs.
St. Cloud, Minnesota
Is Body Size the Last Acceptable Prejudice? Discuss.
Coworker: Dude, what’s the best Chinese place for lunch?
Overweight secretary: Ruby Foo’s, just below us!
Coworker: Thanks! (aside) See, the whale’s good for something.
Manhattan, New York
…At Length, If Necessary
Manager: So Mike* is leaving.
Office peon #1: Will anyone notice? What does he do, anyway?
Office peon #2: He’s a fluffer.
Office peon #1: What?!
Office peon #2: What? He, y’know, fluffs out his job so it looks like he’s doing more than he is.
Manager to office peon #1: After the meeting, you explain.
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: EarleyDaysYet
“Free-Range” Is Also Acceptable
Cube rat #1: My mouse is being such a pain lately.
Cube rat #2: You should get one of those mouses that, y’know, doesn’t have a cord. Oh, man, what are those called, again?
Cube rat #1: Um, a cordless mouse?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I work with monkeys
Both Equally Likely During Our Staff Meetings
Colleague #1: I wish it had been killer badgers.
Colleague #2: It’s always badgers with you, isn’t it? Badgers, or sex.
Digbeth
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: editorialgirl
11AM Meeting with NJ Branch Folks
Co-worker on phone: When you get out of the subway station start walking North–
Manager: Don’t tell them that…your North is different from my North and it’s a tarantula downpour outside. You don’t want them walking the wrong way in the rain.
Co-worker: Everyone’s North is the same and it’s torrential downpour.
Manager: Everyone’s North is the same? I always get my Norths mixed up.
535 8th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Angie Rowe
Better Hope English Doesn’t Become the Official Language of the U.S.
Dumbest: He said he had a stomach ache so I gave him some Aflac – you know, rolodex?
Less Dumb: Antacids? Rolaids?
7th and Congress
Austin, Texas
Who’s on (Safety) First?
Receptionist: Hello! Thank you for calling Avon Safety*, where safety comes first. How may I direct your call?
Voice #1: How do I direct the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Receptionist: Hello? This is not a recording.
Voice #1: She said it’s a recording.
Receptionist: No! This is not a recording! Hello?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.
Avon, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fae
Um, Card Game?
Head chef: You know what a cabbage is!
Other chef: (blank look)
Restaurant
Regional Queensland
Australia
