Boss: Oh, you met Beth* from the London office? How old did she look?
Woman on phone: Oh, well, she looked older than me, so she must in her 50s. Then again, sometimes people look older than me, but they turn out to be only 35.
Boss: Cigarette smokers.
Woman on phone: … And meth addicts.
Sears Tower
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: 22 and never doing meth
Manager: I purposefully wore pants with strategically large pockets for the cowbell, but it still got stuck.
72 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: deep pockets
AP woman: You look like you’re getting your figure back.
AR woman: I’m trying — I’ve become obsessed with BJs.
Richmond Road
Bedford Heights, Ohio
Man screaming into cell and gesturing at the wall: I’m beneath the fucking girl with her fucking panties around her ankles! How could you miss me?!
Outside civil courthouse
Miami-Dade, Florida
Overheard by: also standing beneath the coppertone ad
Editor #1 watching CNN: Can you imagine how hot JonBenet would be by now?
Editor #2: What?
333 N Meridian Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Woman to suit looking at a travel magazine: I’ve been there.
Suit: Oh, yeah? Where is that?
Woman: I don’t know.
Reagan National Airport
Arlington, Virginia
Supervisor: She used to wear all sorts of things in her hair, and then one day she showed up with a condom, and we were like, ‘Honey, that’s not a scrunchie.’
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Marketing Director: There’s one student there I’d love to get a photo of. She’s drop dead gorgeous and hardly ever wears clothes.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, AZ
Guy: I put on the tutu and that was as far as I got.
4900 Tiedmann,
Brooklyn, Ohio
Overheard by: marko
Creative director: It’s so cold in here, my rock-hard nipples are chafing on my shirt. Can I claim workman’s comp for that?
Radio station
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: it really is cold in here
