Wishes

Boss: Chinese women have no asses. They dream of having a big round ass. Like a black ass. You see that? That is a big black ass.

9925 Jefferson Boulevard
Culver City, California

Overheard by: Roland Kellar

Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don’t stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn’t train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.

800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah

Overheard by: tm

Boss: I was hoping you could take care of it without a bunch of rigor mortis.

1701 Monterey Street
San Luis Obispo, California

Manager: I hope those envelopes don’t have subpar glue on them.
Boss: I don’t know; I’m a lover not a licker.

7 Middlesex Road
Tyngsboro, Massachusetts

Marketing Manager: You know it would be so awful if that hunting guy died, but yet, it would be so awesome if that hunting guy died.

16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Admin on phone: Hi [Jeff], I’ve sent you 4 emails and left you 3 messages. Today is my birthday. What I really want for my birthday, more than anything else, is for you to call me back and answer my questions. Thanks. Bye.

10550 N Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California

Co-worker #1: I really want to go get a cookie from the food cube, but [Anne’s] using the computer in there
Co-worker #2: Well, go get one anyway. And tell her to pull her pants
down.

127 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio

Co-worker #1: There’s so much free food in this office!
Co-worker #2: At least we’re young and not obese.
Co-worker #1: Seriously…when you turn 45 and you’re working for the State, they should just pay for your gastric bypass surgery.

The Capitol Building
400 South Monroe Street
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Kara M.

Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.

Sacramento, California

Worker: The vendor wants to come in to finalize the program we discussed last month. Can you meet with him next week?
Boss: No, I am booked all week. Wasn't he supposed to send some follow up information?
Worker: I don't know, I was eating lunch.

Washington, DC