Law firm partner: How much does it cost to raise a cock?

Cherry Hill, New Jersey

Teen girl, holding a bag with a dead bird inside: My grandfather called earlier about getting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Office clerk: Ok, I remember talking to him this morning. I need to get some information from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Office clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grandfather’s name.

616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana

Overheard by: Vicky

Animal‐savvy office girl: Kangaroos are really mean.
Ordinary office girl, thoughtfully: I would be too, if someone was like hopping in and out of my stomach all day long.


Coworker: Dude, what’s the best Chinese place for lunch?
Overweight secretary: Ruby Foo’s, just below us!
Coworker: Thanks! (aside) See, the whale’s good for something.

Manhattan, New York

Colleague #1: I wish it had been killer badgers.
Colleague #2: It’s always badgers with you, isn’t it? Badgers, or sex.


Overheard by: editorialgirl

Visiting sales rep: Wow, that aquarium is really cool! Is it a lot of work?
Desk owner: Thanks. It’s not too hard once it’s set up for a while.
Visiting sales rep: I’ve never seen one with all those things with testicles in it before.
Desk owner: [Silence until sales rep obliviously boards elevator.] 

75 Battery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: We didn’t buy her product.

Op: You know what would make a great pet?
Ernie: No, what?
Op: A badger.
Ernie: Yeah, great. Great at ripping human flesh off.
Op: Exactly, burglar protection.
Ernie: No, I was talking about your flesh.
Op: Oh… I can take it.

Boston, Massachusetts

Coworker #2: She just looks that way, it’s her default face.
Coworker #1: Well, her default face looks like someone murdered her puppy.

Springfield, Massachusetts

Five‐year‐old girl, reading book about whales: Hey mom, does a baby whale really come out of a mama whale’s butt?
Mom: Hmmm…
Hygienist: Oh my god, did anyone else hear that?

Dentist Office
Augusta, Georgia

Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?

L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Just a contractor