Waitress #1: I can’t tuck this corner. I suck at folding napkins.
Waitress #2: We should just make a monopoly line with this.
Waitress #1: [Stares blankly.]Waitress #2: You know, a monopoly line? I’ll start it, you finish it. We’ll get this done faster.
34 Cooper Square
New York, New York
Lieutenant: I’m so cooold!
Major: There’s a black fleece over there.
Lieutenant: I prefer to tough it out.
Major: Relax! It’s not war.
Camp Arifjan
Kuwait
Serious suit on cell: If he does that then he’s going to have to give up the hookers and drugs, and I am not kidding.
San Jacinto Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Going Into Politics?
Little kid: Hey, you want to come to my birthday party? It’s all about hunting and killing and stuff.
TA: Um, I’ll think about it.
Little kid: Listen, your mom isn’t your boss anymore.
Sherwood Street
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Casey
US sales manager in teleconference: We gotta let the elephant be the hot dog right outta the shoe.
5 Thomas Holt Drive
Sydney
Australia
Maintenance guy: You gotta get your key out real quick or they’re gonna swing an ax.
420 Western Avenue
Albany, New York
Woman, before using phone: Don’t listen to me — I have to lie.
745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
CSR: The best way to get through lasers is break dancing!
Columbus, Ohio
Woman #1: Did you see the Avon book in accounting?
Woman #2: No, I haven’t.
Woman #1: Well, it’s all in Mexican. Only a little bit on the back was in English… Instead of having the whole thing in Mexican, they should’ve just done it half and half.
260 West Seeboth Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Chick #1: Sometimes when I’m not wearing a bra and I don’t want my nipples to poke out I put Band-Aids over them.
Chick #2: You put mayonnaise on your nipples?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
Chick #2: Mayonnaise?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
9th and Broad Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
