Advice

Co-worker on phone: Let’s take the new Financial Controller from [the client] out to lunch. Is she cute?…Oh, it’s a guy…Does he have a sense of humor?

680 George Street
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia

Co-worker: Stop putting on your makeup at work! Do it on the subway, like normal people!

1250 Broadway
New York, NY

Co-worker #1: I really want to go get a cookie from the food cube, but [Anne’s] using the computer in there
Co-worker #2: Well, go get one anyway. And tell her to pull her pants
down.

127 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio

Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.

701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Tech on phone: Okay, go ahead and type in your password…Yep, just type it in…In the password field…Just type it…With your keyboard…Should be right in front of you… Has letters on it…Great!

3601 SW Murray Boulevard
Beaverton, Oregon

Overheard by: onebadwebmonkey

Candidate: Do you have a listing of job openings?
HR Secretary: Yes, there is a list on the blue piece of paper on the table.
Candidate: Which one?
HR Secretary: The blue piece of paper.
Candidate: This one?
HR Secretary: Yes.
Candidate: I’m not qualified for any of these. Do you have any other positions open?
HR Secretary: Did you turn it over? There are more job listings on the back.
Candidate: Oh.

155 Deer Hill Avenue
Danbury, Connecticut

Co-worker #1: You should get that fan fixed. It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind it.
Co-worker #1: It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind. I just pretend I’m working in my private jet at 30,000 feet. It’s noisy for a computer fan but it’s really quiet for a jet.

2137 Highway 35
Holmdel, New Jersey

Overheard by: Chuck Roast

Co-worker #1: Make sure you eat some of the leftovers from the potluck.
Co-worker #2: Okay.
Co-worker #1: And you’d better hurry before [Nick] and [Sara] get in there and stuff their faces. They give pigs a bad name.

10011 109th Street
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Assistant Building Emergency Coordinator: Why don’t we have the security officers make the evacuation announcements? They are located next to the building PA system.
Manager: I am not sure they are qualified and capable of using the microphone to make announcements.

600 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Nurse #1: But don’t be swayed by the money.
Nurse #2: I’m not swayed by the money. I like being poor.

157 East 86th Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Kira