Girl: One stamp please. [Crusty mail lady puts Christmas stamp on envelope.] Oh, ummm, does it need to be that one? [Crusty mail lady shoots death rays with eyes.] But they’re Jewish! [More death rays.] But I’m asking them for a job! [Crusty mail lady rips off Christmas stamp and replaces with flower stamp.] Ummm…
Crusty mail lady: Fifty-one cents.
Post office
Michigan
Overheard by: Jen
CSR: I need, like, four more arms and three more eyeballs. That way I could do more than one thing at a time.
Tempe, Arizona
CSR: The best way to get through lasers is break dancing!
Columbus, Ohio
Employee: Okay, I’m going to hang up now, but I want you to continue talking.
524 West 57th Street
New York, New York
CSR on phone with customer: Well, are you normally a weak-minded person?
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
CSR: Yes, if you do your payment online it can take two business days to post.
Customer: The other person told me 48 hours! Which one is it? I’m always given different information!
411 Smithfield Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mrswackado
Patron: Ummm, I’m looking for a book.
Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it’s called?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?
Patron: Yeah.
Librarian: You know you’re in a fuckin’ library, right?
Austin Public Library
Austin, Texas
Elderly customer: I’d also like a two-liter of Coke.
20-something cashier, smiling: Certainly.
Elderly customer: You know, I really like your demeanor and attitude.
20-something cashier: Up yours, old man.
Elderly customer: [Stunned silence.]20-something cashier: Have a nice day!
6780 Goshen Road
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Delivery Expert
Librarian: Have you met the new assistant director? He reminds me a lot of Randy — you know — Ralphie’s little brother from A Christmas Story. Nobody wants to hang out with him. The other day I asked him how he was, and he actually held up a piece of rope and said, ‘Oh, I’m hanging in there!’ and gave me a creepy smile.
60 7th Street
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: Grace
Waitress: What can I get for you this evening?
Tourist: My brother here really wants to try some sushi, but he’s never had any.
Brother: I’m afraid I can’t handle the sushi.
Waitress: Oh, honey, no man can handle the sushi.
Sushi Samba
New York, New York
