Customer Service

Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.

Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: a smarter customer.

Customer: Is fifty percent off of $100, like, $50?
Employee: No. Not at all. It usually works out to $35.95.
Customer: Really?

2223 Victoria Avenue East
Regina, Saskatchewan

Agent: Thank you for calling the help desk. Can I have your first and last name, please?
Customer: Is Eudora down?
Agent: Um, Eudora is a program that is isolated on your computer. It is not a system or network of everyone’s email.
Customer: Is Eudora [campus email] down?
Agent: No.
Customer: I’ll call my cable company.

Customer hangs up.

University of Wisconsin
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Brandon

Customer rep on phone: No, ma’am. I’m sorry but I can’t come to your room and fix your equipment….because I’m not on the third floor. I’m in Denver and you’re in San Francisco.

11400 Westmoor
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: losing patience

Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don’t know your life. Bitch!

1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana

Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.

1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey

Customer: Excuse me sir, do you think this paint color will look good in my living room?
CSA: I don’t know! I’ve never been in your living room.

150 Route 17 North
East Rutherford, New Jersey

CSR: So then he goes, “This is Motorola, right? Because with that voice of yours, for a second there, I thought I called the wrong number” oh, but it didn’t stop there…he keeps on with “you know, like, a 900 number, right?” I mean, eww…I did not need to know that.

1301 East Algonquin
Schaumburg, Illinois

CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is “A guy.”

4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California

CSR: Seriously, when you think you’ve gotten the weirdest call you could get…someone calls about a conch shell.

11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Lindroid