Friendly worker guy: Hey, you guys — I just took one sip of this energy drink and I don’t really want it. Does anyone want it? [No one answers. A few minutes later] Hey, you guys — there is a lot of turkey on this sandwich. Does anyone want some?
Normal worker guy: Hey, you guys — I’ve had this peanut M&M in my mouth for four days. Does anyone want it?
12th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: social
Secretary #1: Here, I’ll trade you dark chocolate for my chocolate.
Secretary #2: No, I like dark chocolate.
Secretary #1: Why does the white man have to take all the dark chocolate? That’s the last piece of dark chocolate, and I’m dark so I should eat it! You ate all the white chocolate last week because you’re white, and now you’re going to have all the dark chocolate, too, just like the white man does to everything!
Secretary #2, eating dark chocolate: It’s all mine now. Look at this! [Opens mouth.]Secretary #1, muttering to herself and walking away: Just like the white man…
11330 Pierce Street
Riverside, California
Overheard by: Kevin
Employee to another: You’re down on your hands and knees eating a banana. How do you not know what that symbolizes?
Route 209 and Weir Lake Road
Brodheadsville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: CW
Male peon #1: Does anybody want anything from the vending machine?
Female peon: Bring me back some Jesus!
Male peon #2: I’ll just take a ginger ale.
Boston, Massachusetts
Office girl #1: White chocolate is such a sham. They take out the best part.
Office girl #2: The brown?
Southlake, Texas
Trendy vegan worker: What’s that smell? Is someone cooking bacon?
Coworker: There’s some in my salad.
Trendy vegan worker: That’s so odd. I never even liked bacon, but it smells so good! It’s making me horny!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Coworker #1: I am going across the street to get something to eat. Do you ladies want anything?
Coworker #2: Do you want to bring me back a salad?
Coworker #1: Not really… I was just being courteous.
North University and Fletcher Streets
Michigan
Worker #1: How much fiber do you think is in a bat?
Worker #2: Not a lot.
Worker #1, surprised: Really?
Worker #2: Well… It’s not like a bat is a vegetable.
Hospital
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Chick #1: Did you know that they’re making Coke kosher for Passover?
Chick #2: [Blank stare.]Chick #1: They’re putting sugar in it.
Chick #2: [Continues to stare.]Chick #1: Normally, it has corn syrup in it.
Chick #2: … Oh! The soda!
200 Varick Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mardi
