Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don’t know if it’s gonna get here. I kept telling them, “Our building is on Exalander Road,” and they didn’t even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that’s what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.
Route 1 South and Alexander Road
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.
Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: a smarter customer.
Worker #1: They’re out of orange juice again.
Worker #2: Yeah, and they haven’t refilled the cocoa slot, either.
Worker #1: They’re also out of Dr. Pepper.
Worker #3: Well, you could just have the Diet Dr. Pepper.
Worker #1: I’m not an animal!
1166 Sixth Avenue
New York, New York
Tech #1: Did you see this consumer complaint? “Your cereal gave me herpes and AIDS.” I guess we’re giving out AIDS as a special promotion.
Tech #2: We’re putting blood in the product now?
Tech #1: Knowing this place, more likely it’s semen.
901 East Whitmore
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Changing my breakfast plans
Voice on intercom: Would the person who ordered a pizza please come up front to pay for it? What? Oh! Cancel the last announcement. It is the Fed Ex guy not the pizza guy.
57060 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coworker #1: Have you been to Joey’s*? It’s awesome.
Coworker #2: Not in a long time. Not since it was a deli.
Coworker #1: Oh, you should go. They have those big hooba wooba pipes…Hooba booba…Hooba hooba pipes?
Coworker #2: Do you mean hookas?
Coworker #1: Yeah.
330 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Violet White
Lunchbreaker: Do you want half my cheeseburger?
Worker: No.
Lunchbreaker: Oh, d’oh. I forgot.
Worker: If I’m going to eat meat again, I wanna eat a slab of beef that is over thirty dollars. I want to make sure that when I’m in the bathroom with cramps, that it is worth it.
1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
Guy with food in elevator: There’s the freaking writing on the wall!
Girl with food: Yeah, I know! Putting it on broccoli? Cheese?! Pretty soon she’ll just be eating ketchup by itself!
1285 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don’t know your life. Bitch!
1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana
Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese…
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What’s so funny?
Customer: It’s just… the cheese! [snickers again]
Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said “pecker.”
Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada
Overheard by: waitress # 1
