Peon: Uh, Jim*, do you have anywhere I can put a floppy dick? … Uh… Disk?
Jim: Niiice.
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: defragment my hard-drive
Peon: Uh, Jim*, do you have anywhere I can put a floppy dick? … Uh… Disk?
Jim: Niiice.
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: defragment my hard-drive
Cashier to friend: One morning I woke up sober…
Clothing store
Houston Street
New York, New York
Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Bearded employee: Man, I think I have beer on my glasses.
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Laughing Librarian
English teacher: Nice shirt.
Manager: Tell me about it… It’s laundry day.
Italian teacher: Oh god, I hate laundry day. I always run out of underwear and have to wear nothing under my skirt. I’m terrified that the dog will stick his face up my vagina… You know, literally.
Manager: Yeah, I don’t think there is a way to mean that in a non-literal sense.
434 Peixoto Gomide
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: English Teacher #2
Man: Is that meeting here on the tenth floor?
Woman: No, it’s on the eleventh floor.
Man: Okay. Is that one floor up?
2775 Laurel Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Employee, about jury duty: I figure if they’re in court, they’re guilty of something, or why would they be there?
323 East Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Dunder Mifflin
Customer: I want to return this breast pump. It doesn’t work.
Manager: What’s wrong with it?
Customer: It doesn’t suck!
Store
Fort Worth, Texas
New art director: This product line is called Madrid, right?
Creative director: Yes.
New art director: So why do you want me to look for images of the south of France?
Creative director: Isn’t Madrid on the coast of France?
325 Model Farm Road
High Point, North Carolina
Overheard by: I could find that on a map
Cashier: Oh, I’m sorry, it says your funds are insignificant. Maybe you should call your bank?
917 East Broadway
Tempe, Arizona
