Dumb Employees

Administrator: [Les], do you have any overdue surveys?
[Les]: No, I don’t.
Administrator: You don’t have any surveys due before the 26th?
[Les]: No, the only surveys I have were due on the 23rd and the 24th.

811 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Clerk #1: My bladder hurts.
Clerk #2: What for?
Clerk #1: I was holding it all morning, and then I finally went, and now it’s been hurting.
Clerk #2: You probably shouldn’t do that. Your bladder can explode, you know.

49275 Electron Drive
San Diego, California

Office worker: The paper coming out of the printer is really hot! It’s never been that hot before. Can we do something to cool it down?
Tech: Oh, I forgot! I put the summer paper in there! I’ll switch to the winter paper! Give me 10 minutes.

1700 Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard
West Palm Beach, Florida

Co-worker #1: [Steph], I never believed the stereotype about blonde women until I met you.
[Steph]: Thanks!

1000 Jerry St. Pe’ Highway
Pascagoula, Mississippi

Employee: So Doc, how long before the leg grows back?
Vet: It’s not a freakin’ starfish!

4448 Hendricks Avenuw
Jacksonville, Florida

Co-worker #1: I don’t understand why she had to take her birthday off. I mean, if it’s just your birthday and you’re not doing anything special, what’s the point?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I’d only take the day off if it was my birthday and I had cancer.

147 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper

Employee: Why is the bathroom locked and has a sign saying “Out of Order”? What happened?
Manager: I think something’s wrong with it.
Employee: Is anyone in there, I thought I heard someone?
Manager: You never know–but bathrooms are private so you shouldn’t knock.

623 3rd Avenue
New York, NY

Co-worker #1: Oh my god, he’s peeing under my desk.
Co-worker #2: Oh! Sorry.
Co-worker #1: Where’s the tissue? Paper towels or something? He’s leaking, take him outside. I’m serious.
Co-worker #2: Don’t freak out!
Co-worker #1: I’m not mad, I’m just grossed out.

12345 World Trade Drive
San Diego, California

New hire: Lord, I am not drinking any of this company’s water. There are entirely too many pregnant people here.

9106 E. Panorama Circle
Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Homer Thompson

Employee #1: Oh, so you are talking apples and oranges?
Employee #2: No, I am talking about two different things.

701 Park Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota