Employee: So Doc, how long before the leg grows back?
Vet: It’s not a freakin’ starfish!
4448 Hendricks Avenuw
Jacksonville, Florida
Employee: So Doc, how long before the leg grows back?
Vet: It’s not a freakin’ starfish!
4448 Hendricks Avenuw
Jacksonville, Florida
Co-worker #1: I don’t understand why she had to take her birthday off. I mean, if it’s just your birthday and you’re not doing anything special, what’s the point?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I’d only take the day off if it was my birthday and I had cancer.
147 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
Employee: Why is the bathroom locked and has a sign saying “Out of Order”? What happened?
Manager: I think something’s wrong with it.
Employee: Is anyone in there, I thought I heard someone?
Manager: You never know–but bathrooms are private so you shouldn’t knock.
623 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, he’s peeing under my desk.
Co-worker #2: Oh! Sorry.
Co-worker #1: Where’s the tissue? Paper towels or something? He’s leaking, take him outside. I’m serious.
Co-worker #2: Don’t freak out!
Co-worker #1: I’m not mad, I’m just grossed out.
12345 World Trade Drive
San Diego, California
New hire: Lord, I am not drinking any of this company’s water. There are entirely too many pregnant people here.
9106 E. Panorama Circle
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Homer Thompson
Employee #1: Oh, so you are talking apples and oranges?
Employee #2: No, I am talking about two different things.
701 Park Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Office girl on phone: I finally found out why my hamsters aren't fucking! I have three girls!
Denham Springs, Louisiana
Overheard by: Erin
Lady peon #1: Chipotle’s burritos are, like, so good!
Lady peon #2: Yeah, I know. Carol*, have you ever had one?
Carol: Uh, I’ve never been out of the country…
5813 South Kenwood Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: wow
Co-worker #1: How do you spell “pseudo”?
Co-worker #2: S-U–
Co-worker #1: That doesn’t seem right. Is there an H?
270 Sylvan Avenue
Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey
Desk monkey #1: I heard she and her boyfriend had Brazilian waxes done together. The man’s treatment is called the ‘free willy wax.’
Desk monkey #2: Oooh! Can you do that? I mean, you can’t wax a man’s balls!
Netherlands
Overheard by: Ouch!
