Guy: … And there’s no way I’ll fellate myself.
Crowded elevator, 201 Sussex Street
Sydney, Australia
Guy: … And there’s no way I’ll fellate myself.
Crowded elevator, 201 Sussex Street
Sydney, Australia
Coworker: I can’t get my thingy on my dilly to pull out so I can get the thing to put on my paper! Can someone help me?
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
Male coworker to deskmate: I’m still waiting for Emmitt Smith and Jesus to accept my MySpace friendship.
466 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Ro
Employee: No, your case does not take presidents.
Customer: Presidents?
Employee: Yes, presidents. You are not more important than anyone else.
Customer: [Sighs] Can I just get the tag?
Brevard County Animal Services Enforcement Office
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: waiting for my rabies tag
Office worker #1: Hey, here’s a great trip — 10 days in Italy and the Holy Land. Where’s the Holy Land?
Office worker #2: Use your head. Where do you think the Holy Land is?
Office worker #1: Venice?
155 Federal Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: One Who Knows
Employee #1: Is Thailand really a type of land?
Employee #2: I think it’s a city in… China, maybe?
Employee #1: Ohhh.
Post office
West Palm Beach, Florida
Teen clerk: The TV commercial said it is a two-day sale. What day of the week is Twoday?
Adult clerk: Not ‘Twoday,’ but one day plus one day equals two days for the sale.
Teen clerk: Oh, okay… Then what two days of the week are called ‘Twoday’?
5760 Highway 80 E
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Girl: So, I’m really scared because I got jury duty. I don’t want to be in the same room as a criminal.
Paralegal: Well, maybe they’re not a criminal. That’s the point of jury duty.
Girl: But… aren’t they guilty if they were arrested? I mean, the police don’t just go around arresting people if they’re innocent.
1355 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Overheard by: sam
Travel agent #1: I would go back there in a heartbeat. China was so awesome.
Travel agent #2: I heard that China was insane.
Travel agent #3: Any ugly girl wrestler has to be a little insane. I mean, Chyna was the craziest woman wrestler ever.
Travel agent #1: Ummm… yeah.
Jasper Avenue
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Guy: I’ll have a Number Three, and can I have a small chocolate shake?
Bimbette employee: No.
Guy: No, I can’t have a shake?
Bimbette employee: Nope.
Guy: Are you saying no to the ‘small,’ the ‘chocolate,’ or the ‘shake…’?
Bimbette employee: Both.
Guy: So, both of the three, huh?
Bimbette employee: Yes, but you can have vanilla.
Guy: I would love vanilla, thank you.
McDonald’s, 53rd Street and 2nd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brian
