Dumb Employees

Skipped School to Watch Monty Python

Office radio just played ‘High Hopes,’ by Frank Sinatra.

Flaky girl: What’s a ‘rubber tree plant’? Is it, like, a plant made of rubber, or a plant you get rubber from?
Yuppie girl: It’s a Rubber. Tree. Plant. So, like, a plant-tree.
Flaky girl: What’s that?
Yuppie girl: Like, a baby tree.
Flaky girl: So, a baby tree is a plant?
Yuppy girl: Well, it’s like how a baby duck is a duckling. It’s not really a duck.
Flaky girl: So, a baby is not really a human?
Yuppie girl: So it would be easy for the ant to move it.

St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia

Overheard by: I Dont Have Very High Hopes For These Two

Creativity? I’m an Engineer

Male coworker: I would take Beyoncé’s face, Beyoncé’s legs, Beyoncé’s arms, Beyoncé’s body, and Beyoncé’s ass and put them all together to make my dream woman… And I’d name her Beyoncé.

4510 Maplecrest Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Overheard by: Bk-Bitch

The Code Remains Unbroken

Dumb girl: Why do they call it ‘Chicken Cordon Bleu’?
Dumb guy: Uh, duh! Cor-don-bleu… It means ‘ham-and-cheese’!

Rockford, Illinois

They're Made with Those Broccoli Pigs

Self-important guy: Most hot dogs in the US are pretty much vegetarian anyway.

Lexington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: amused and disgusted

Drive-Thru Duty at the Bangalore Call Center Is Lonely Work

Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]

Hanover, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Will

Now Are You Ready to Order?

Waitress: I don’t want any sauce touching me… Unless it’s being licked off of me.

1027 West Horsetooth Road
Fort Collins, Colorado

I Mean, I Don’t Think So…

Office grunt #1: Hey! So, you’re back in the office, eh? Where were you last week?
Office grunt #2: Oh, I was in Guatemala.
Office grunt #1: Really? In Europe?
Office grunt #2: No.

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Anonymous

The Clerk Used to Work at Starbucks

Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It’d be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I’ll take 18.

Dunkin’ Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: are u kidding me?

12PM Conference (Cont’d)

Manager: Okay everyone, here are some ways you can spot a shoplifter–
Associate: Just look for someone that looks like a Gypsy.
Manager: That’s really not appropriate.
Associate: I’m telling you, they’re all over Italy!

3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Cathie

You’re the Only One Who’s Ever Noticed

Office peon: You smell like a giant fruit fly!

Fishers, Indiana

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