Customer: Hi, I’m looking for a climbing plant, but I’m not sure what it’s called. It sounds like ‘clem’-something, or ‘clam’-something?
Employee: Right… Ah, ‘chlamydia’?
Customer: Um… No, that’s–
Employee, yelling over the crowd: Hey, Linda*, I have a customer looking for chlamydia. Do we have that?
Linda: That’s a venereal disease — she probably wants ‘clematis.’
Employee: Hey, she left!
Farmstand on Route 2
Lincoln, Massachusetts
Overheard by: petunias for me, thanks
Creepster #1 smelling women’s deodorant: Smell this: it smells like raspberry. Mmm!
Creepster #2: Smell this… It smells good! It’s called ‘Unscented’!
Creepster #1: Mmm.
Walmart
Concord, New Hampshire
Overheard by: walking away quickly as to not disturb them
Thrift store connoisseur: Well, I don’t like underwear with stains anyway…
19043 Wentworth Avenue
Lansing, Illinois
Overheard by: Rusti
Customer, running: What aisle are your condoms in?
Cashier: Oh, um… aisle seven.
Customer: Thanks! Quick, quick, I’ve got the girl in the cab!
20-something guy behind him: Oooh, picked up a girl in the bar, eh? What’s her name?
Customer: Don’t know — all I know is my wife is in Seattle.
Walgreens, 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Other Cashier
Customer: I’m looking for one of those things where I can plug it into my TV’s video and plug like four video game systems into it and push a button to switch between them.
Employee: Yeah, I don’t think we sell those.
Customer, picking up item: I’m looking for this.
Employee: Oh, we don’t sell those.
Customer: You… don’t… sell these?
Employee: No.
Customer: You’re sure?
Employee: Yeah, we definitely don’t sell those.
Customer: You don’t sell these? This thing that I picked up off your rack with a price tag on it?
Employee: No. Circuit City might carry them, though.
Best Buy
Astoria, New York
Employee #1: Yeah, so PETA has helped me understand the cruelty animals are subjected to by humans.
Employee #2: I’ve seen some of the videos. Heinous.
Employee #1: Like that shirt you’re wearing, it’s made of cotton, right? You shouldn’t be wearing it.
Employee #2: Huh? Why not?
Employee #1: It really hurts the sheep when they are shorn.
Bed Bath & Beyond
Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Debauched Angel
Customer: They’re three for $0.99.
Cashier: We don’t sell them at that price. They’re $0.33 each.
Big Lots Store #1906, 498 South Boulder Highway
Henderson, Nevada
Overheard by: Lee Hall
Customer: Does this come in black?
Store clerk: Yes. [walks off]
Department store, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Doctor Whom
Man: Do you have the movie Upside Down?
Cashier: Let me check. Um, no.
Man: The one about the two guys on the wine tour.
Cashier: You mean Sideways?
Man: Yeah, that one.
Cashier: It’s under ‘S’ on the wall.
Man, to his friend: It’s under “S” with Psycho.
Video store
Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: emily
Manager: How can I help you?
Customer: Yeah, I’ve been taking this stuff from the internet that’s supposed to help with memory. I wanted to see if you have it here.
Manager: Ok, we probably do. Was it Gingko Biloba?
Customer: Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure. I can’t remember what it’s called.
GNC, Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Dash
