Co-worker: Oh, I keep having these irrational dreams too. The other night I dreamt that I made this little mistake and it brought down like the entire company. And in the papers it said, “entire company went down because of this one stupid assistant!” And everyone knew my name and I couldn’t get a job anywhere, so I have to move to Europe and marry a guy to get my visa. Then I was a product of domestic abuse because he knew I was co-dependent on him.

175 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Peter H

Professor: A “letter of intent”? Whaddya mean, “intent”? I intend on getting myself a sweet little girlfriend like [Nick] has; is that what you mean by “intent”? Get a Korean girlfriend on the side?

San 69-1
Churye 2-dong, Sasang-gu
Busan City, South Korea

Manager: Did I hear someone trying to play matchmaker? Have you routed a memo for approval?

10155 102 Street
Edmonton, Alberta

Overheard by: angel.girl

Worker #1: Congratulations on your engagement and your new job! When is your last day?
Worker #2: Next Wednesday, thanks.
Worker #3: Are you leaving so soon because of that pooper ring on your finger?
Worker #2: “Pooper ring”?
Worker #3: Yes, you know…You had to take it in the pooper to get a ring that big.

1600 21st Street NW
Washington, DC

Coworker on phone: So are we okay or is it squishy?

Atlanta, Georgia

Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.

Dallas, Texas

Co-worker: My hubby can be such a dork. We went to the hardware store this weekend because we are refinishing our bathroom. So, I ask the hardware store guy, “Where do you keep your caulk?” Hubby just stood behind me and snickered.

8400 Esters Boulevard
Irving, Texas

Chiropractor to patient: We are both usually adjusting at the same time, so it is hard to pin down one another.

Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Receptionist

Guy on speakerphone: How was your weekend?
VP: Good. How was yours?
Guy on speakerphone: Oh, you know — same old, same old… Just spent it trying to avoid my wife.

5690 DTC Boulevard
Greenwood Village, Colorado

Coworker #1: So you saw her at church then, that is kinda cool.
Coworker #2: Yeah, because at least I know she isn't out getting gang-banged on a Sunday, which is nice.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Professor Awesome