Boss: Where is Luke*?
Assistant: He took a day off. His brother got meningitis.
Boss: That’s a bitch. If his brother doesn’t die he will be a complete idiot for the rest of his life.
Assistant: How you know that?
Boss: I had it as a child.
101 North Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Suit on cell to his niece: Did I hear you scored five goals in your last game? Do you have any idea how grateful to me you should be for your athletic ability?
4555 Central Avenue
Columbus, Indiana
Partner: I was the youngest licensed hypnotist in New York.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Designer: Do you ever wonder if some of the girls here were hired for their looks? Oh, I’m not talking about you — I know you were hired because you’re a good writer.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Co-worker #1, speaking loudly on headset phone: Well, yeah, I can totally relate to backlog problems! I mean during that refi boom we were just wall to wall with boxes full of papers. We were up to our necks in papers! If the fire marshal would’ve come in here, I’m pretty positive that he would’ve shut us down!
Co-worker #2: Should he really be saying that to our vendors?
Co-worker #3: Well, if we ever get closed down due to our vendors calling the fire department on us, at least we’ll know who to thank for the days off.
1350 Deming Way
Middleton, Wisconsin
Attorney: Well, that client is single now.
Secretary: Really?
Attorney: I’m going to have to lose 20 pounds. Bring me my pills.
415 South Ohio
Sedalia, Missouri
Subordinate #1, middle-aged: So, how’s your broken toe doing, [Sara]?
VP [Sara]: It still hurts, but after four tries, I finally found a pair of high heels I can stand in.
Subordinate #1: Should you be doing that yet?
VP: I have a date tonight and need to look cute.
Subordinate 2, older: You shouldn’t be wearing heels yet. You’re going to ruin your feet so that when you’re old like me you’ll be able to wear only ugly shoes.
VP: I’ll be married by then, so it won’t matter!
208 South LaSalle
Chicago, Illinois
Creative director on phone: Maybe the guy goes up and kicks the bear in the balls…I don’t know.
111 E. Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
Assistant: Are you stealing things already?
Marketing rep: Are you saying that because I’m black?
9401 West Brown Deer Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: T
Voicemail: Hello, this is Joe* from engineering, I’m having a problem with my computer, and was told you could help me out. It appears that there is a problem with my fixed dick…er, ficked disk, fisk dick.
[pause]
FIXED DISK…..
4747 Harrison Avenue
Rockford, Illinois
