Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.
Minot, North Dakota
Overheard by: Taggart Snyder
Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.
Minot, North Dakota
Overheard by: Taggart Snyder
Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm… You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: scd
Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice… from lemons.
Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Prefer Limes
Guy: I’ll have a Number Three, and can I have a small chocolate shake?
Bimbette employee: No.
Guy: No, I can’t have a shake?
Bimbette employee: Nope.
Guy: Are you saying no to the ‘small,’ the ‘chocolate,’ or the ‘shake…’?
Bimbette employee: Both.
Guy: So, both of the three, huh?
Bimbette employee: Yes, but you can have vanilla.
Guy: I would love vanilla, thank you.
McDonald’s, 53rd Street and 2nd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brian
Man: Why are you allowing a day spa? I didn’t think you allowed day spas in this town. When you have day spas you attract people who get facials, and we don’t want those kinds of people in this town!
Redlands City Hall
Redlands, California
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
Barista: What are you going to do when you grow up?
Little girl: Doctor.
Barista: You want to be a doctor? That’s wonderful!
Little girl: No. Mommy told me to marry doctor and have kids. I want 27!
Ft Valley Road
Flagstaff, Arizona
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I’m not getting you a Dr Pepper. It’s not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I’ll have a Coke.
Mother: That’s better.
McDonald’s
Tennessee
Blond barmaid: What’s in a whiskey and coke?
Pesto Café
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: retired from the service industry
Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.
Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: a smarter customer.
