Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?

L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Just a contractor

Male bather: Oww! That dog just scratched my nipple!
Female groomer: Now you know why we wear boulder-holders.

92-12 Liberty Avenue
Ozone Park, New York

Weird suit: Hey! There’s a box of dead people back here!

Bourse Building
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

85-year-old client: I’ve been sick all morning but I’ll tell you what: the best way to cure diarrhea is by drinking wine!
Sales manager on phone: Oh… Um… Really?

Dulles, Virginia

Overheard by: Rather Disgusted

WASP: I know what that says! It’s written in Jewish!
Bagel wench: Yiddish?
WASP: Are you Jewish?

Noah’s Bagels, Manhattan Beach Boulevard
Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: just wants to make bagels in peace

Manager: Do you need these pants hemmed?
Customer: Yes
Manager: Do you have one leg that is shorter than the other, sir?
Customer: Yeah, the middle one.

3255 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia

Food service worker: What type of soda would you like today?
Female customer: Large.
Food service worker: Yes, mam’m. But what type or flavor did you want?
Female customer: I said large.
Food service worker: Yes, ma’am. Diet Coke? Sprite? Coke? What type?
Female customer: Are you fucking stupid or something? Large. A large soda. How many times do I have to tell you?

San Diego Mall Food Court
San Diego, California

Pizza Hut driver: Would you rather fight a kangaroo or wolverine?
Pizza Hut CSR: Well, kangaroos are pretty tough, but wolverines aren’t real.

7th Street and Union Hills
Phoenix, Arizona

Admin on speaker: Can I please have the Electronics department?
Sears rep: Okay, hold for a while.

Elmsford, New York

Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief

Supervisor: Jeremy* did not come in or call for three days. What should we do?
Manager: Spank him?

803 West Seale
Nacogdoches, Texas

Overheard by: Glinda Bright