Coworker #1: It’s asking for an account number before it gives you one.
Coworker #2: Uh…
Coworker #1: It says “please enter the number of accounts.”
Coworker #2: Yeah, how many do you want? 1, 2, or 3.
Coworker #1: Oh, I see.

1220 Senlac Drive
Carrollton, Texas

Manager: Okay, do you see anyone who is not here?
Employee: Uh, nope.

2913 Nueces Drive
Harlingen, texas

Employee #1: Do you know how much these master cylinder gland nuts cost?
Employee #2: What,we are selling the gland nuts by themselves now? They are usually attached to the master cylinder…
Employee #3: I’d say gland nuts attachd to the master cylinder are priceless.

13601 FM 529
Houston, Texas

[In a crowded computer room]Female: Dude, nobody in here even likes you.
Male: I have made love to everyone in this room!

West San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: CCRadio

Coworker #1: Your outgoing message sounds like a whispering Barry White.
Coworker #2: Well, you know…there are a lot of fruities out there and I got to keep them away.

Dallas, Texas

Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.

Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?

Matthew: You people bring me down.

Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas

Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.

Dallas, Texas

Boss: Whoever invented cheese is a great American.
Coworker: Cheese wasn’t invented by an American.
Boss: Well, whoever did invent it should be made an American.

Austin, Texas

Boss: I would love to be the male equivalent of Tara Reid.

98 San Jacinto Boulevard
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: amused

Co-worker: My hubby can be such a dork. We went to the hardware store this weekend because we are refinishing our bathroom. So, I ask the hardware store guy, “Where do you keep your caulk?” Hubby just stood behind me and snickered.

8400 Esters Boulevard
Irving, Texas