Texas

Worker #1: Hey, man, you got one of them stick stain remover things?
Worker #2: Hell yes I do!
Worker #1: You know if it work on blood?

3908 Avenue B
Austin, Texas

Administrator: Here’s my theory on drunk driving: People get caught drunk driving because they never learned how to drive drunk when they were kids.

1445 Ross Avenue
Dallas, Texas

Coworker on phone: Honest? I am very honest. I am also very loyal to the company I work for. I give 110% to them every day.

Pause

Coworker on phone: Sure, I can interview with you tomorrow morning.

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

Worker #1: I guess worst case scenario is they call me in for an interview, then shoot me, and kick my dead corpse in the balls.
Worker #2: Yeah. That would be worst case.

3908 Avenue B
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Server King

Data center drone: God! I hate sharing workstations with the night shift. Every day when I come in, my chair smells like ass and the desk smells like armpit. Doesn’t [Tim] ever take a bath?

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

Manager: We should try putting up our design pattern library on one of those new . . . kiwis!
Drone: [Sigh] Wikis?

1 Kirkwood Boulevard
Southlake, Texas

Co-worker #1: I just can’t get enough sleep. My mom wakes me up yelling that I get too much sleep, then I drive to work and almost fall asleep!
Co-worker #2: Uh huh.
Co-worker #1: Doesn’t she understand I need my sleep? She’s driving me crazy.
Co-worker #3 [from down the hall]: Why don’t you go to bed earlier, when she puts your jammies out?

6200 Savoy Drive
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Frankendude

Boss: Who is your supervisor?
Intern: Um, technically, you are.

1 University Station
Austin, Texas

Manager: [Tim], are you going over the off-site location?
Intern: Yes, I have to pick up the loaner laptop for [Kelly].
Manager: Can you drop this off to shipping and receiving while you are there? Might as well stone 2 birds.

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Manager: I knew you were going to say that.
Team Lead: Really? How did you know that?
Manager: I have a third sense when it comes to this place.

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas