Science and engineering

Engineer: It might be dangerous if it ignites, so I think I should heat it up to 600 degrees and see if it catches on fire.

1190 4th Street
Ontario, California

Engineer on phone: Hi, this is Jim from [Company A]. Oh, wait, that’s you. Shit.

Paterson, New Jersey

Voicemail: Hello, this is Joe* from engineering, I’m having a problem with my computer, and was told you could help me out. It appears that there is a problem with my fixed dick…er, ficked disk, fisk dick.
[pause] FIXED DISK…..

4747 Harrison Avenue
Rockford, Illinois

Office manager: The first rule of thumb is that two geotechnical engineers will always give you two different answers. The second rule of thumb is that I’m always right.
Interns: Hahahahahahahahah


Office manager: I’m being serious.

1066 West Hastings
Vancouver, Canadia

Overheard by: Andrew

Minion: Do you seriously want to go off on a Chinese hamster ovary tangent? I mean, who gives a crap?

1959 NE Pacific Street
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: snickerpants

Supervisor: What are you doing?
College kid #1: Spraying each other.
Supervisor: Do you know what is in those bottles?
College kid #2: No.
Supervisor: Why would you spray each other with something you don’t know?
College kid #2: It’s fun.
Supervisor: It’s acetone!
College kid #1: Is that like water or something?
Supervisor: God, I’m going back to my office.

465 Paul Road
Rochester, New York

Overheard by: Nick I

Manager: I saw it happen when I was in Australia.
Engineer: To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve never studied the direction of water flow in my toilet.

The next 30 minutes were spent experimenting on various containers with holes.

6411 Ivy Lane
Greenbelt, Maryland

Engineer: Holy shit! I just measured twelve shafts!

5810 Nancy Ridge Drive
San Diego, California

Lab manager: Well, we'll just keep the one with biggest rack.

Baltimore, Maryland

(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can’t believe it’s this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: “I can’t believe it’s this busy!” It’s the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It’s actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I’m going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn’t nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don’t care.

Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina