Project Engineer: If you expect me to do quality work I’m going to need a raise.

10 West Mifflin Street
Madison, Wisconsin

Project Engineer: We have relatively clear instructions, kind of.

4170 Santa Fe Road
San Luis Obispo, California

Engineer: It’s probably a computer that likes to see abstract choices.

Translated from the Dutch.

10 Wissenstraat
9200 Dendermonde

Overheard by: Bart Verhofstadt

Female program manager: You got a sec?
Male program manager: I have lots of secs.
Engineer: He means he has a lot of time.


Overheard by: Snickering Intern

Admin: Do you need help with anything?
Engineer: Nobody ever asks that here. What are you up to?

Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: Overworked

Engineer on phone to pumper: You gotta have the sucking and the blowing. (pause) Does he have liquid? (pause) That's why you gotta keep on blowing and sucking. (pause) Yeah, great, thanks.

Dallas, Texas

Engineer: Don’t kill anyone.
Tech Writer: Can I maim them?
Engineer: Yeah. If you maim them you seem like more of a team player.

1550 Buckeye Drive
Milpitas, California

Engineer #1: Hey, where is your bush gauge?
Engineer #2: I keep it on the top shelf.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: At the keybored

Facilities manager to entire staff: And for the men in the office, please don't spit chew into the urinals, as it can clog the pipes and is very difficult to remove.
Engineer, joking: Oh, I see, single out the men. What about the girls?
Female QA manager, who actually chews: We don't spit, we swallow.

Boise, Idaho

Overheard by: testcenter cowboy

Engineer on phone: Hi, this is Jim from [Company A]. Oh, wait, that’s you. Shit.

Paterson, New Jersey