Comebacks

Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn’t let me wear plastic pants.
“Suit” #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.

4 Irving Place
New York, New York

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Teacher: That’s an interesting name. It is a type of flower right?
Student: Yeah, but I am a hard flower. I am so tough, I am almost a weed.

1001 SW Avenue M
Belle Glade, Florida

Overheard by: substitute

Employee #1: I don’t believe in God. I believe in ghosts, but not God.
Employee #2: What about aliens?
Employee #1: Oh, totally!
Boss: Don’t you guys have something more important to be doing?
Employee #2: I have about 1,000 other things to do. None of them is more important than this.

2223 East Speedway
Tucson, Arizona

Secretary: Why are these reports formatted so weird?
Boss: Well, because the Germans made them. Those Germans are weird.
Secretary: Hey, now… Be careful, I’m German.
Boss: Uh oh, you’re not a lesbian too, are you?
Secretary: Well, I’m not really German.

Main Street Financial Office
East Hartford, Connecticut

Co-worker #1: I just can’t get enough sleep. My mom wakes me up yelling that I get too much sleep, then I drive to work and almost fall asleep!
Co-worker #2: Uh huh.
Co-worker #1: Doesn’t she understand I need my sleep? She’s driving me crazy.
Co-worker #3 [from down the hall]: Why don’t you go to bed earlier, when she puts your jammies out?

6200 Savoy Drive
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Frankendude

Assistant #1: Did you get out for lunch today?
Assistant #2: I did! It was so nice out I didn’t want to come back.
Assistant #1: I think we should all get medals for making it back to work after lunch
Assistant #3: Or a straightjacket.

345 Park Avenue
New York, New York

Female co-worker: Oww, my ovaries are falling out.
Male co-worker: Do you want some glue?

720 Washington Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Employee #1: Kinda ridiculous that a George Foreman mini-grill is able to take down power for half of the floor.
Employee #2: Dude, you’re grilling in the office and you’re going to talk about what’s ridiculous?

1899 L Street NW
Washington, DC

Boss: Who is your supervisor?
Intern: Um, technically, you are.

1 University Station
Austin, Texas

Worker #1: I am thinking about going to medical school sometime.
Worker #2: I’m pretty sure you couldn’t handle medicine…
Worker #1: Just for that I’m going to be a medicine!
Worker #2: What?

1166 Gorham Street
Newmarket, Ontario
Canadia