Comebacks

Underling: You’ve got mail!
Financial Analyst: I don’t know that person. All right, I’ll take it.
Underling: There was some white powder in there, but I smelled it; it seemed fine.
Financial Analyst: Well, that’s good. Terrorists don’t use anthrax anymore.
Underling: Just family and friends now, huh? Excellent.

27 Terrace Drive
Vernon, Connecticut

Owner #1: We need to get the freezer fixed.
Owner #2: Well, we can call [ColdCo].
Owner #1: [ColdCo] raped us last time!
Owner #2: True. But this way at least we know our rapist.

201 North 78th Street
Omaha, Nebraska

HR #1: She said she’s going to be on it for life! What kind of doctor gives you Valium for life?
Accountant: A good one!
HR #1: And what doctor would mix Valium, Vicodin, and Demerol?
HR #2: What’s this doctor’s name, again?

1776 Main Street
Springfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: ribbon

Co-worker #1: Why do they only lock the girls’ bathroom and not the guys’?
Co-worker #2: So you don’t come in and rape us.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, that’s true.

475 Park Avenue South
New York, NY

Co-worker #1: Are you dipping in the company ink?
Co-worker #2: Nope, the ink was red.

4221 74 Avenue NW
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Engineer: Man, I can’t write code today. Someone must have stole my
talent.
Manager: That would be petty theft.

8000 West Sunrise Boulevard
Plantation, Florida

Employee #1 is fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror.

Employee #2: You look handsome today.

The toilet flushes and out comes the firm’s president.

President: Do you two want to be alone?

352 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Worker #1: Did you pass the bar?
Worker #2: Yeah, the salad bar.
Consultant: I don’t eat salad.
Worker #2: That’s why you passed it.

100 Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Vice Principal: Hey there, did you get my email?
Teacher: No, I didn’t…
Vice Principal: Wow, and I sent it to both [Ed Hildick]s so you’d be sure to get it.
Teacher: Yeah…but my name is [Jeff].

901 Locust Street
Herndon, Virginia

Sales engineer: Hey, you can’t use that, that’s a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?

59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands
UK