Comebacks

Co-worker #1: I’m so busy today.
Co-worker #2: Why? Thursday is the new Friday.

521 5th Avenue
New York, NY

CSR: That guy was such a moron! And he kept trying to tell me he had a
photographic memory. I thought to myself, “Yeah, well you must be out of film.”

7350 Tilghman Street
Allentown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: jara

Worker #1: How do you spell “vulnerable”? V-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e?
Worker #2: No, it has an “l” in it. V-u-l…
Worker #1: Pfff, no. It’s v-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #2: It has an “l” in it. V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.

Worker #1 gets the dictionary and struggles to find it under v-u-n.

Worker #1: Oh…How peculiar! Hang on.
Worker #2: V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e. Would you like me to give you the Latin root and related words? Vulnerare…vulnus…
Worker #1: Well, I never! It has an “l” in it! Well, well. You don’t pronounce it like that, though. What’s the “l” for?
Worker #2: …It’s for making it a real word.

200 Green Lanes
Palmers Green, London
UK

Overheard by: Peachey

Front Desk: What does code 99499 mean?
Coder: “You’re a dirty whore.”
Front Desk: They have codes for that?

675 North St. Clair Street
Chicago, Illinois

Manager: Good morning ladies. What are you whispering about?
Secretary #1 & #2: You.

11909 Spencer Road
Houston, Texas

Co-worker #1: You should get that fan fixed. It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind it.
Co-worker #1: It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind. I just pretend I’m working in my private jet at 30,000 feet. It’s noisy for a computer fan but it’s really quiet for a jet.

2137 Highway 35
Holmdel, New Jersey

Overheard by: Chuck Roast

Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll probably be ostracized.
Worker: …And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?

962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas

VP: There is only so much you can do with one hand.
Co-worker: I’m not going to touch that.

910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas

Accountant on speaker: Okay, I tried entering my password and it didn’t work.
Tech: I reset it to “password.”
Accountant on speaker: Okay, let me try my password again.
Tech: Make sure you type “password.”
Accountant on speaker: It didn’t work again.
Tech: Iou typed far too many letters for the word “password.” Did you type in “password” as your password?
Accountant on speaker: Yu never told me to do that.
Tech: So what part of my sentance confused you: “Type in the word
‘password’ when it asks you for your password”, or “I reset it for you, your password is now ‘password.'”
Accountant on speaker: I have a CPA, don’t talk to me like that.
Tech: I can make up acronyms too. I’ll be in your office in five
minutes. In the meantime, ponder this one: I’m OMGWTF certified.

220 Woodbine Road
Downingtown, Pennsylvania

Nurse #1: But don’t be swayed by the money.
Nurse #2: I’m not swayed by the money. I like being poor.

157 East 86th Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Kira