Comebacks

Co-worker #1: Are you dipping in the company ink?
Co-worker #2: Nope, the ink was red.

4221 74 Avenue NW
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Engineer: Man, I can’t write code today. Someone must have stole my
talent.
Manager: That would be petty theft.

8000 West Sunrise Boulevard
Plantation, Florida

Employee #1 is fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror.

Employee #2: You look handsome today.

The toilet flushes and out comes the firm’s president.

President: Do you two want to be alone?

352 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Worker #1: Did you pass the bar?
Worker #2: Yeah, the salad bar.
Consultant: I don’t eat salad.
Worker #2: That’s why you passed it.

100 Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Vice Principal: Hey there, did you get my email?
Teacher: No, I didn’t…
Vice Principal: Wow, and I sent it to both [Ed Hildick]s so you’d be sure to get it.
Teacher: Yeah…but my name is [Jeff].

901 Locust Street
Herndon, Virginia

Sales engineer: Hey, you can’t use that, that’s a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?

59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands
UK

Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he’s not Christian?
Drone: …No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: …No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.

557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Co-worker #1: I’m really tired this morning.
Co-worker #2: Why don’t you try Red Bull?
Co-worker #1: That stuff doesn’t work for me.
Co-worker #2: Well, have you ever tried it without the vodka?

2783 Lancashire Road
Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Manager #1: I don’t feel like working today.
Manager #2: So why don’t you go home?
Manager #1: ‘Cause I don’t get paid to do nothing at home….

3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Cathie

Secretary: Wow, this is not much work for Friday!
Boss: …Except that it’s Wednesday today.

Dogwood Ave, Building 1
Johnson City, Tennessee