Sergeant: I need you to call an ambulance for a 32‐year‐old pregnant woman.
Control room operator: What do I tell them is wrong with her?
Sergeant: Well, she’s pregnant!

Clark County Detention Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: cro

Cube monkey: Why do things that happen to stupid people always happen to me?

Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess

Manager: Okay everyone, here are some ways you can spot a shoplifter–
Associate: Just look for someone that looks like a Gypsy.
Manager: That’s really not appropriate.
Associate: I’m telling you, they’re all over Italy!

3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Cathie 

Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?

West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada

Cube monkey girl: I don’t have any gray hairs on my head, but I have a gray patch down there.
Male coworker: Those are cobwebs, not gray hairs.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess

Woman #1: The classified logo scripts aren’t working.
Woman #2: Bob* is working on them, but he’s going on vacation tomorrow so the scripts won’t be done until September.
Woman #1: September?!
Woman #2: Yeah, well, you can have IT work on it, but then who knows how long it’ll be before they get around to doing it.
Woman #1: Think they’d do it faster if I showed them my boobs?

1111 West Bonanza Road
Las Vegas, Nevada

Older front desk agent to newer one: Hey, Michael, is your name Peter?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Receptionist: What’s that?
Worker: It’s the Phoenix Project logo.
Receptionist: Why’s there a bird on it?
Manager #1: You have got to be kidding?
Receptionist: What?
Manager #2: Bird, Phoenix? Hello?
Receptionist: I don’t get it.
Clerk: Okay, the bird…it’s a phoenix.
Receptionist: Phoenix is a city.
Clerk: …Phoenix is, also, a mythological bird.
Receptionist: Named after the city?

10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada

Teacher: Explain that to me again.
Parent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me pregnant.
Teacher: Are you serious?
Parent: Look, bitch, I gots me seven kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up pregnant.
Teacher: Look, I’m referring you to the counselor. This is out of my hands.
Parent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a direct line with Jesus to help you out, so the counselor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Company president to communications VP, discussing radio interview: My whole performance level is based on my hair.

Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess