Scheduler: So, I just called this girl in for an interview and she asks me what she should bring with her. Would you ever ask that? That’s so weird. What should you bring? Some tennis balls and a racquet, what do you think you should bring?
700 South Henderson Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Candidate: Do you have a listing of job openings?
HR Secretary: Yes, there is a list on the blue piece of paper on the table.
Candidate: Which one?
HR Secretary: The blue piece of paper.
Candidate: This one?
HR Secretary: Yes.
Candidate: I’m not qualified for any of these. Do you have any other positions open?
HR Secretary: Did you turn it over? There are more job listings on the back.
Candidate: Oh.
155 Deer Hill Avenue
Danbury, Connecticut
Corporate peon #1: I was nervous during the interview. More than normal for some reason. He asked too many damn questions.
Corporate peon #2: Hard questions?
Corporate peon #1: Not hard. Just required detailed answers. I don’t like the “what do you bring to the table” question.
Corporate peon #2: “I bring diligence and a positive attitude, I’m proactive and can get the job done on my own or with a group.”
Corporate peon #1: I bring sexiness.
11601 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Suit: You’re Asian, so I bet you want tea. We Americans like our morning coffee.
Asian interviewee #1: No, I had Starbucks on the way here.
Suit: We Americans like milk in our coffee. Asians drink it black, right?
Asian interviewee #2: No, I take mine light and sweet.
Suit: Well, you still wanna work here, right?
Midtown
New York, New York
Overheard by: Laughing in America
Recruiter on phone: Are you bilingual? (pause) Do you speak a language other than English? Do you speak Spanish? Okay, do you speak English?
Park Ave
New York City, New York
Interviewer: In you medical record it states you had tuberculosis, how did you come across that?
Former sailor/job seeker: I dunno… Probably the whorehouses.
La Plata, Maryland
Overheard by: Got the job ayway!
Account manager: So I sent you that new job applicant. Have fun.
Recruiter: I just opened it up. Wow, she completely misspelled ‘Delaware State.’
Account manager: Oh, it gets worse.
Recruiter: ‘Seven years,’ with an ‘-s!’ And she spelled ‘with’ wrong!
Account manager: Yep, and she’s a detail-oriented professional.
Trolley Square
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Rhymes with Banana
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Candidate: Knowing things. Like, knowing knowledge about everything.
Miller Avenue
Fontana, California
Employer: If I were to ask you for one thing you are not good at, what would it be?
Interviewee: Uh…answering questions like this one?
Insurance HR office
Toronto, Canadia
Interviewer: So, I see from your resume that you spent two years in Africa with the Peace Corps.
Interviewee: Yes.
Interviewer: Did you work with any minorities there?
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I was the minority
