Interviewer: So, how would you say you handle changes in the workplace?
Interviewee: Um…Oh! I’m really good with change. I used to work a cash register, and if the total came to $7.49 and they gave me a ten, I’d give them 3…no…$2.60…uh…$2.51!
Interviewer: Uh…okay!
Ames, Iowa
Older woman: Yes, I have fifteen years of commission-only sales experience, and I’m accustomed to traveling four days out of the week.
Interviewer: Oh, um, well that’s great. Um, yes, some of our new hires don’t like traveling because it’s so lonely and can be far from home and, um, you know, like solitudish and lonely.
Older woman: That’s okay with me. Travel is fine, but I can’t travel for three weeks out and one week home. I have two cats. I can leave them for four days at a time but not three weeks.
Interviewer: Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate ’cause we really would like you for the job. Well, um, if something would happen that would mean you could take this job, um, like I won’t get into what that would be or anything morbid or sad or anything…but you could always re-apply.
6500 Matalin Place
Louisville, Kentucky
Project manager, about interviewee: He's like Ted Bundy sexy!
Ada, Michigan
Overheard by: Just a temp
Interviewer: Are you persuasive?
Candidate: I call it force of personality. Like, I read people and
then I get them to do things by acting different ways. Like some people, I yell at them. I’m not mean but I yell at them. But like my boss, I can’t yell at him.
Interviewer:Because he’s your boss?
Candidate: No. He does better if I do like, a little girl act. You know? Like, “Oh please.”
Interviewer: Um, okay. So, who is your favorite designer?…This isn’t a trick question. I just want to know.
Candidate: My favorite designer is United Colors of Benetton.
721 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: mean girls
Interviewer: What would you say your strengths are?
Buff interviewee: Arms and back.
Dresden Nuclear Power Plant
Morris, Illinois
Overheard by: Harbor
Interviewer, during phone interview: Do you have any experience with suppository management?
Cupertino, California
Employer: Unfortunately, you’re not bond-able for hire because you have a felony from 2003.
Interviewee: I do? What for?
Employer: It seems it was for a parole violation.
Interviewee: Those are felonies?
Coralville, Iowa
Overheard by: Meg
Interviewer: Do you have any questions?
Interviewee: Within the firm, are there opportunities for advancement?
Interviewer: Basically, it’s an entry-level job — when you begin it’s going to be like,’Shut up and color, we’re going to micro-manage you.’
15th Street and Yamhill Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: PH factor
Candidate to recruiter: If they just look at the back of my resume, they'll get a hard on.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Senior VP: On a scale of 1 to 10, how honest are you?
Interviewee: Whatever I answer, how would you know if I’m telling the
truth or lying?
5650 Keaton Crescent
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
