Sensory Experiences

Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.

Crewe
England

Staff member: I love baklava. Have you ever had the vegan baklava? It’s so good!
Grad student: I don’t think I’ve had vegan anything.
Staff member: I think it’s made from hemp or something. I wonder if it’s okay to eat it and then come to work.
Grad student: I don’t know.
Staff member, pretending to be high: You’d be like, “Woooah! Heeeey!“
Grad student, joining in: Woooooaaaaahhh!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: How do these people make it through college?

Cube dweller on phone: Hahaha… yeah, I can just imagine them literally chasing you around, and smearing you with that stuff!

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: I don’t want to get smeared

Guy behind counter, looking at something on the floor: I don’t know what it is, but it’s gooey…

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Chris Who Isn’t Dead

Office drone: I’ll have to tickle myself for that…

Ojai, California

Overheard by: IntellectualWhore

Receptionist, puzzled: This is really dry. I guess all the juice is in my box.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Ian

Boss to underling: I’m okay with someone coming at me from the front. It’s when they come from behind that bothers me.

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Office guy #1: Does this look hard to you? Feel it?
Office girl: I don’t really like it hard. I like it soft.
Office guy #1: I was thinking the same thing. Should we cut it off?
Office guy #1: Do you like it hard? Feel it.
Office guy #2: Do you know what this sounds like?

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high‐end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?

Boss walks in.

Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.

60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: holding‐it‐in

Peon #1: Did they steam clean our chairs this weekend like they were supposed to?
Peon #2: Doesn’t smell like it.

Richmond, Virginia