Announcement over PA: If anyone has taken Maureen’s* K-Y Jelly, please return it immediately.
W 66th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: wondering why its needed
Announcement over PA: If anyone has taken Maureen’s* K-Y Jelly, please return it immediately.
W 66th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: wondering why its needed
Cashier: … And do you have your Hudson’s Bay credit card with you today?
Gangster #1: My what?
Cashier: HBC credit card. It’s gold.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man. I think so. Uhhh… Is this it?
Cashier: No, that’s your MasterCard. I’m looking for the HBC card, if you have it.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man, HBC! They always be sendin’ me bills in the mail and shit, you know, and I don’t even know why!
Gangster #2: Dude, that’s HSBC. That’s the bank.
Gangster #1: Oh.
Gangster #2: You don’t even know the difference, do you?
Gangster #1: Not really. So, like, one has an S and one doesn’t have an S, right? Is that it?
Gangster #2: No, it’s completely different.
Gangster #1: Well, so what, man? I still gotta pay the bills whether it has an S or whether it don’t have an S, right?
Zellers Lansdowne Mall
Richmond, British Columbia
Canadia
Voice on PA: Can we get a customer service in the women’s room?
Safeway
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: mind in the gutter
Waitress: And so the guy from the health department says we have, like, one day to get this shit cleaned up or he is shutting us down. Oh my god, he’s right! Look at all this crap in the bottom of the ice… [As two customers walk in] Oh, hello. Two for dinner?
Diner
Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Announcer on PA system: Dr. Stewart*, please call 5-5-2-0; Dr. Stewart, 5-5-2-0.
Dr. Stewart, over the PA system a few minutes later: Whomever needed Dr. Stewart, I don’t know who you are and I didn’t hear that number, so call me at– [pause]. Oh, shit, I don’t know what number this is. Wait… Okay, so just page me again with that number… [Pause] You mean everyone can hear me? Fuck.
Arizona
Overheard by: Seriously glad I’m not his patient
Employee #1: Now, where did ‘Disco Inferno’ come from?
Employee #2: Not me! It’s not on my iPod!
Employee #1: I think it came from the refrigerator!
Employee #2: Oh really?
Employee #1: No, this is serious! You’re not the one with ‘Disco Inferno’ stuck in your head!
Chevy Chase
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: kitchen watcher
Customer, running: What aisle are your condoms in?
Cashier: Oh, um… aisle seven.
Customer: Thanks! Quick, quick, I’ve got the girl in the cab!
20-something guy behind him: Oooh, picked up a girl in the bar, eh? What’s her name?
Customer: Don’t know — all I know is my wife is in Seattle.
Walgreens, 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Other Cashier
Old man: So, this was a good queer movie.
Video store clerk: Ummm…
Old man: Where are the other movies about dykes and queers?
Video store clerk: Ummm…
Old man: I want to know if they are really sexy, though.
Cedar Street
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: silenced
Employee: I can take you right to the landscaping section. Let’s take the elevator here.
Customer: Boy, you really like to pamper these fat-assed people, huh. You know Texas is one of the fattest states in the nation? Don’t you have stairs?
Employee: We have an escalator.
1217 W State Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
