Employees

Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?

overheard by: their boss

100 F Street
Washington, DC

Telemarketing lady: There’ll be no laughing in this office. That’s right, no levitation.

121 Monmouth Street
Red Bank, NJ

Overheard by: Heidi Schwartz

Program manager: I think we should adopt the behaviours from the charter for meetings of the [Partnerships] section. [Steven], why don’t you read them out?
[Steven]: Respect other’s opinions and feelings, stay focused, turn off mobile phones, question self before others, participate enthusiastically and share experience and knowledge, have some fun….
Employee: Anyone telling me to have some fun at meetings better think again.

Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Ness

Data center drone: God! I hate sharing workstations with the night shift. Every day when I come in, my chair smells like ass and the desk smells like armpit. Doesn’t [Tim] ever take a bath?

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

Employee #1: I don’t believe in God. I believe in ghosts, but not God.
Employee #2: What about aliens?
Employee #1: Oh, totally!
Boss: Don’t you guys have something more important to be doing?
Employee #2: I have about 1,000 other things to do. None of them is more important than this.

2223 East Speedway
Tucson, Arizona

Employee to uniformed employee: You working today?
UE looks down at shirt: Nope, I’m just a figment of your imagination.

1125 Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina

Overheard by: Roman Fox

Employee: Is that why you broke up? No lobster, no nookie… I really didn’t mean to say that so loud.

2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick

Employee #1: Stop flinging eyedrops on me!
Employee #2: I am trying to exorcise the demons in you.

Bldg 5302 Sparkman Circle
Redstone Arsenal, Alabama

Peon #1: Why is Laura gone already?
Peon #2: She had some medical stuff done today, I believe through the rectum, so she went home.

1441 West Long Lake Road
Troy, Michigan

Temp: This person gave their email address as being at “hotmail.con”. Should I enter it as “hotmail.com”?
Employee: No, put whatever is on the application.

1776 West Lakes Parkway
West Des Moines, Iowa