Receptionist on speaker: I’m sorry. [Chris] is still on the phone. Would you like his voicemail?
Customer: No. I am afraid he won’t call back, and this is an emergency.
Receptionist: I can put you on hold again. But he has had a lot of calls today, and I don’t know how long it will be before you can speak to him.
Customer: I would like to kick his butt.
Receptionist: I’m sorry. You will have to stand in line to do that.

5711 East FM-40
Lubbock, Texas

Underling: You’ve got mail!
Financial Analyst: I don’t know that person. All right, I’ll take it.
Underling: There was some white powder in there, but I smelled it; it seemed fine.
Financial Analyst: Well, that’s good. Terrorists don’t use anthrax anymore.
Underling: Just family and friends now, huh? Excellent.

27 Terrace Drive
Vernon, Connecticut

Lawyer #1: What does that mean again?
Lawyer #2: Listen, if you can’t figure out this report, you’re fired.

452 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Bob

Sales engineer: Hey, you can’t use that, that’s a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?

59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands

Colleague on phone: We’ll just have to go down there and gang bang those sites.


3699 West Lathrop Street
South Bend, Indiana

Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don't have time to stop.

Malden, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dan

Manager to three people working in cubicle: What are you all doing in here?!
Male coworker: There’s a dead mouse in my cube.
Lady coworker: This is Keith*. He’s a temp, but there’s nowhere for him to sit, so they’re all in my cube.
Manager: What are you doing about the mouse?!
Male coworker: Some guy came up and removed the filing cabinets and found the mouse. But he had to call a guy in another union to come and pick up the mouse.
Manager: What the fuck? This is unbelievable.
Lady coworker: It’s like an overcrowded prison in here.
Manager: Oh, I’ll show you prison [leaves].
Keith: Is she mad?
Male coworker: Isn’t this fun?

777 3rd Avenue
New York, New York

Supervisor: Girl, you better give me back those files or I'll take you outside. Like that girl in that movie.

County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Lan

Clueless VP, whispering right after lightbulb has exploded: What does it mean?

Park Avenue
New York City, New York

Determined supervisor, about crazy union employee: I'm gonna go get her! I'm not afraid of her anymore.

Kansas City, Missouri