VP, using Instant Messenger: How do I type a smiley face that means, “I’ll cut you.”
550 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
VP, using Instant Messenger: How do I type a smiley face that means, “I’ll cut you.”
550 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Exec steals Nutri-Grain Bar from CEO.
CEO: Give that back!
Exec: No.
CEO, cornering exec and pushing him against the wall: Give that to me; that’s my Nutri-Grain!
Exec: You aren’t getting it back.
CEO: That’s stealing, man!
Exec: Buy some more! You’ve got the money!
CEO, releasing exec: You’re a real class act, man.
Exec unwraps and eats Nutri-Grain Bar.
5200 Dixie Road
Toronto, Ontario
Secretary: So, the next time you shut the door to take one of your sex calls, I’m going to nail it closed!
311 Main Road
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: mookie
Account Manager: I’m getting more serious getting these people to pay. I’ve been letting them know if they don’t call me back, I’ll have to take affirmative action!
General Manager: Do you know what that means?
Account Manager: Yeah! It means I’m serious!
General Manager: No, “affirmative action” is when you give someone a job just because they’re a certain minority group or sex.
Account Manager: Oh. I bet they don’t know what it means either!
1570 North McMullen Booth Road
Clearwater, Florida
Receptionist on speaker: I’m sorry. [Chris] is still on the phone. Would you like his voicemail?
Customer: No. I am afraid he won’t call back, and this is an emergency.
Receptionist: I can put you on hold again. But he has had a lot of calls today, and I don’t know how long it will be before you can speak to him.
Customer: I would like to kick his butt.
Receptionist: I’m sorry. You will have to stand in line to do that.
5711 East FM-40
Lubbock, Texas
Underling: You’ve got mail!
Financial Analyst: I don’t know that person. All right, I’ll take it.
Underling: There was some white powder in there, but I smelled it; it seemed fine.
Financial Analyst: Well, that’s good. Terrorists don’t use anthrax anymore.
Underling: Just family and friends now, huh? Excellent.
27 Terrace Drive
Vernon, Connecticut
Lawyer #1: What does that mean again?
Lawyer #2: Listen, if you can’t figure out this report, you’re fired.
452 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Bob
Sales engineer: Hey, you can’t use that, that’s a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?
59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands
UK
Colleague on phone: We’ll just have to go down there and gang bang those sites.
Silence.
3699 West Lathrop Street
South Bend, Indiana
Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don't have time to stop.
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dan
