CEO: We can’t shoot our parents until we can afford to move out of the house.
355 Burrard Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
CEO: We can’t shoot our parents until we can afford to move out of the house.
355 Burrard Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?
9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn’t attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.
10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
Sales engineer: Hey, you can’t use that, that’s a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?
59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands
UK
Copywriter: I was accosted by a woman with a French accent at the mall at lunch today.
Art Director: Really? How odd.
Copywriter: Yeah, she buffed my nails and I purchased her product. Only now am I remembering the accent as being fake.
Art Director: I had a run in with the cops over lunch.
930 South Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Boss: How was your day?
Employee miming pointing a gun to his head: Know what I mean? But it’s over now.
Boss: My father killed himself six months ago.
Employee: Did he use a gun?
47 Catherwood Road
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: I prefer the
IT guy #1: I will kill you with my soup cup?
IT guy #2: Okay.
Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Northern Lad
Coworker on phone to husband: We have to start hiding that camera from her. Yeah, yeah… You want me to beat her? Honey, I’m kidding! I’m just kidding! You know I never beat the kids.
14750 Miller Avenue
Fontana, California
Overheard by: Sara
Woman: If I was in the army and was sent to war, you’d better believe
that I’d get pregnant as fast as I could so they would send me home.
475 Buckhead Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.
Crewe
England
Cube neighbor, after getting off phone with daughter: Oh, my kids!
Warehouse employee, walking by: We should all kill our kids. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?
Irvine, California
Overheard by: scared cube-dweller
