Cashier #1: I don’t understand why people act like such assholes to us, you know?
Cashier #2: Because they know we can’t say anything back.
Cashier #1: But… for all they know we could be mentally unbalanced and one little comment from them could send us over the edge, and we could get their addresses and hack them into pieces one night.
Cashier #2: I’m telling my mama not to go through your line no more, you crazy bitch.
Grocery store
Farmville, North Carolina
Overheard by: MB
Phone rep: Yes, Jerry* is here. Would you like me to punch him?
915 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sarah R
Lobbyist: Who’s your favorite consultant?! Who?! Say my name!
K Street
Washington, DC
Boss watching Sin City: Dibs on Jessica Alba.
Employee #1: I’ll fight you for her.
Boss: Okay. [They spar for a second, then the boss kicks the employee in the shin and slaps him in the head, dropping him to the floor.]Employee #1: Ow.
Employee #2: Just not smart, dude.
Employee #1: It hurts so bad.
Boss: Respect dibs.
Ft. Walton Beach, Florida
Overheard by: He can have her
Coworker #1: The film was so violent… I don’t really like realistic-looking violence.
Coworker #2: Yeah, neither do I. Although, I did get some perverse enjoyment from watching The Passion of the Christ.
Coworker #1: But in this one it’s all the nice people getting hurt.
500 Harris Street
Ultimo, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Dan
Coworker: My sister got bit once, and she needed to get a tetanus shot.
Receptionist: What kind of dog was it?
Coworker: No, it was a girl at Taco Bell.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: What am I doing here
Girl: I don’t care! I am all for police brutality. Seriously! I don’t care!
900 University Avenue
Riverside, California
Overheard by: i live too close to los angeles
Coworker: Any religion involving rams’ blood is fine by me.
Yaletown
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: DaveM
High school senior #1: That’s an awesome bruise you’ve got there.
High school senior #2: Yeah, I punched a squid. You know that’s how we get ink? We squeeze them.
High school
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Alleged pre-calc student
Hot intern girl: It sucks that we have to seal all these envelopes today.
Jewish intern guy: Yeah, well, I make it into a game, you see. I pick a number, and if I can’t seal that many envelopes in one minute, a bomb explodes!
Hot intern girl: Wow.
West Loop, Galleria Area
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: In the cube next door
