Maintenance man #1: Oooh, my date last night had some fine titties.
Maintenance man #2: Yes siree, when we hooked up I loved me some of them.
Maintenance man #3: I’ve seen better than hers. [Gesturing to passerby] Look at those. But I guess I’d have to see them naked to really compare.
Office building, House of Representatives
Washington, DC
Manager: Earlier today my dad almost got eaten alive by our chickens.
7th Street NW
Washington, DC
Lobbyist: Who’s your favorite consultant?! Who?! Say my name!
K Street
Washington, DC
Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…
16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…
Woman #1: I dropped a condom back there.
Woman #2: They never clean.
Woman #1: Well, there’s a rat back there, that’s why I dropped it.
2000 Florida Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: animal lover
Coworker #1: Hey, would anyone like one of my canned Vienna sausages?
Coworker #2: Can you suck the jelly off of it first?
Coast Guard Headquarters
Washington, DC
20-something guy whispering to 20-something girl: … And I’m not saying this from personal experience, ’cause I’ve never actually had a blowjob…
400 N Capitol Street
Washington, DC
Large coworker: What you do is you split the Krispy Kreme in half and grill it, then put the cheeseburger on it, and I swear, it’s the best way to have it.
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jessica
Woman #1: Oh my god, I got so drunk last night that I ate a cigarette!
Woman #2: What? Did you throw up?
Woman #1: I tried to make myself. I got some of it out, but the filter is still in there. Do you think that’s bad?
Woman #2: I doubt it.
Woman #1: I have no freaking clue why I did it, I just decided to — it was so bizarre!
Woman #2: Oh, man…
1020 19th Street NW
Washington, DC
Contract attorney: Ann Coulter? She looks like a bag full of antlers.
575 7th Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Daniel
