Announcement over PA: If anyone has taken Maureen’s* K-Y Jelly, please return it immediately.
W 66th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: wondering why its needed
Announcement over PA: If anyone has taken Maureen’s* K-Y Jelly, please return it immediately.
W 66th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: wondering why its needed
Boss: I want Joan* helicoptered into this afternoon’s meeting.
Peon: But Joan works in this building. She could just walk.
Boss: I wasn’t being literal — it’s a metaphysical helicopter.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: metaphysical, my arse
Coworker #1: Hey, would anyone like one of my canned Vienna sausages?
Coworker #2: Can you suck the jelly off of it first?
Coast Guard Headquarters
Washington, DC
Voice on PA: Can we get a customer service in the women’s room?
Safeway
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: mind in the gutter
Boss: I want to put new labels on these binders. The labels must be capitalized and all face the same way. [Tilts head to the left, and then to the right] I am just not sure which way I want them to face. I don’t know if I prefer to tilt my head to the left, [tilts head again to the left], or if I prefer tilting to the right.
Santa Cruz, California
Coworker to boss: I’m starting to feel like not being nice and not being so understanding to Jennifer*. You’ll either have to give me a pep talk about politeness in the workplace, or give me permission to be a bitch.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: End of the Rope
Economics professor: Kick me in the rear. I like it.
University of Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: my attention span is price inelastic
Coworker: Let’s go for a ride. Does your top come off?
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: smooth
Employee: I can take you right to the landscaping section. Let’s take the elevator here.
Customer: Boy, you really like to pamper these fat-assed people, huh. You know Texas is one of the fattest states in the nation? Don’t you have stairs?
Employee: We have an escalator.
1217 W State Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
Interviewer: Just fill out this application and wait to be called for the interview.
Interviewee: Does it matter if I got a crack possession against me?
420 Harding
Tennessee
