Offers and requests

Marketer: There’s nothing sexy about turkey.
Writer: No.
Marketer: What about, “Need a way to keep from stuffing yourself? Go have an orgasm!”

8885 Venice Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Musician: Nice of you to join us.
Exec: Well, you were 30 minutes late; I went to take a shit!
Musician: You’re entitled to that.
Exec: I washed my hand if you want to shake it.

875 6th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: N & S

Co-worker #1: I’m really tired this morning.
Co-worker #2: Why don’t you try Red Bull?
Co-worker #1: That stuff doesn’t work for me.
Co-worker #2: Well, have you ever tried it without the vodka?

2783 Lancashire Road
Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Manager #1: I don’t feel like working today.
Manager #2: So why don’t you go home?
Manager #1: ‘Cause I don’t get paid to do nothing at home….

3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Cathie

Woman: Don, can you hang this on the wall, because you are tall?
Man: I hate being tall… People are always asking me to do things. Maybe next time I drop a coin I will ask a midget to pick it up.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Wholesale meat salesman to customer on phone: We've got 12-inch weiners on special.

Fairbank Road
Ashville, New York

Customer: I need the cold and flu meds that I have to be logged into a data base for.
Pharmacist: Well, can you tell me your symptoms?
Customer: Well, I'm sore and my head… it's like my whole head is just like… like someone sat on my face… but not in a good way.
(pharmacist gives deadpan face and goes to get meds)
Customer: You know, like a big fat person sat on my face… head. Do you take debit?

Mandeville, Louisiana

Overheard by: ShiftSuper2theSTARS

Male sales rep, about client meeting: So, I heard you were out with a bunch of guys.
Female sales rep: Yeah, four of them!
Male sales rep: Wow, you need a towel?

Omaha, Nebraska

Employee girl: Hey, can I have your pickle again today?
Employee guy: I was wondering when you were going to ask for it. Where do you want it?
Employee girl: Here is fine. (to receptionist) I always eat his pickle.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Cubicle Dweller

Tech #1: Can I have the key to the IDF closet?
Tech #2: I don’t have it, it’s in the lockbox.
Tech #1: Well then, can I have the key to the lockbox?
Tech #2: It’s not locked.

20800 Harvard Road
Cleveland, Ohio