Employee to boss returning from lunch with wife: Excuse me, can I smell your fingers?
Frisco, Texas
Employee to boss returning from lunch with wife: Excuse me, can I smell your fingers?
Frisco, Texas
Drone to another: I have something that may tie up your loose end.
Kansas City, Missouri
Office secretary: Beth* keeps me entertained.
Beth*: Yep, just give me a pill!
Pineville, Louisiana
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Employee: My headset for my phone doesn’t work. Can I have a new one?
Supervisor: Let me see that. Oh…you see what’s wrong? Sometimes the data can get caught in the phone line…so just straighten the cord. That makes the voice data come through more quickly and it won’t get all caught up.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.
703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas
Bank teller: Ma'am, from now on if you want your balance you'll need to request it.
Customer: How do I request it?
Bank teller: Well, ma'am, you just ask me for it.
Houston, Texas
Coworker #1: Hey, dude, can you cover the office this evening? I have the runs.
Coworker #2: No, I think my daughter wants me to pick her up.
Coworker #1: Dang, man, I guess I'll just eat some cheese.
Mayport, Florida
Overheard by: Bluevain Thunder
Woman in hallway: Well, let me just lick it, put it in my mouth and drool all over it.
Stafford, Virginia
Crazy IT girl: Do you have a knife? If anybody in here had a knife, it would be you.
Crazy IT guy: Serrated or flat?
Merrimack, New Hampshire
