Boss: Let’s get things set up. Let’s move the mouse.
Bethesda, Maryland
Boss: Let’s get things set up. Let’s move the mouse.
Bethesda, Maryland
Grunt #1: Is that a wine bottle in the front seat of your car?
Grunt #2: Yes. I like to drink on my way to work.
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Student: So, now we have an extra microscope. Could we return it and get credit from the company?
Professor: Let’s sell it on the black market and use the money for a really big party!
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Newbie: Are you Chinese or Japanese?
Korean working the register: What?! Japanese are rich, ignorant fools, and Chinese are murderous barbarians. I am Korean!
Newbie: Oh. I never knew that…
Korean deli, 1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
Scientist #1 to intern, smacking him in the face with a latex glove: I challenge you to a duel! [Intern rolls his eyes and walks away.] Interns these days — they don’t have a sense of humor.
Scientist #2: Does it really matter? He could be a psycho serial killer, but as long as he does my work for me I don’t really care.
701 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Mid-life crisis coworker: Hi, this is James*. You remember me? Good. Well, I was just calling to tell you that there’s lettuce on my bagel, and I ordered no lettuce, no tomato, and this is the third time this has happened. You guys make great food, but this is unacceptable and I thought you should be aware of your error.
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
CSR girl: The Gold Gentleman’s Club… That’s where girls strip, right?
Sleazy manager: Yeah, they got real pretty girls there, but they don’t dance long enough! You give them a 20, and they look at you like, ‘What have you done for me lately?’
Quiet guy: They’ve got really good food there on Fridays.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Office Peon
Tech: When you open a Ziploc to find a severed hand…
Owings Mills, Maryland
Student aide #1: So, what happened next?
Student aide #2: Well, I had my eyes closed, and the next thing I know my fat-ass brother is on top of me, sucking my ear.
1121 Duvall Highway
Pasadena, Maryland
Overheard by: Disturbed English Teacher
Managing director: What happened to you?
Warehouse employee: A skid fell on my leg. Don* just left to call me an ambulance.
Managing director: A skid of what?
Warehouse employee: … Ground coriander.
Managing director: That came in today? Great! We’ve been waiting for that.
Warehouse employee: … My leg is broken.
Managing director: And we appreciate that.
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
