Guy #1, in Hebrew: So, what retarded kid are you working with today?
Guy #2, in Hebrew: Dude. Those kids are around here, you know.
Guy #1: Yeah, but no one here knows Hebrew.
Guy #2: This school’s like half Jewish. They might.
Guy #1: Not the retarded ones. They have enough trouble with English. You should know that — you work here, too.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Knows Hebrew
Young-looking coworker after taking polygraph: They tried to get me to admit I was into kiddie porn.
Coworker yet to take polygraph: Dude, you look like you could still be in kiddie porn.
ASQ2
Linthicum, Maryland
Office man: Obama even went down there to convince them that Chicago was the place for the 2016 Olympics.
Office lady: The International Olympic Committee just blasted their load in Obama's face, and I love it!
Baltimore, Maryland
Random stranger: Is that the ATM from upstairs?
Worker, hauling ATM down hallway: Yep.
Random stranger: So now I can't get money upstairs?
Worker: Oh, no. The money's still there in a pile. Just take what you need.
Bethesda, Maryland
Order entry lady: It’s like they’re chasing each other around the apartment!
Shipping manager: Maybe they are.
Order entry lady: Well, he’s a little [whispers] fag. So, you know…
Shipping manager: Oh, yeah! Them people stay up all night! They got extra energy!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Stoner coworker training newbie on fax machine: This fax machine, like, never works… But I find it really helpful if you whistle the tune to Close Encounters of the Third Kind while you’re faxing… [Newbie stares.] See?! Another fax through!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sarita
Attorney on phone: Well, I’m really sorry you’re going to jail. But you still need to pay our bill.
110 North Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Odd
Suit #1: So, I heard they put you up at the Ritz in Seattle!
Suit #2: They did! I stayed there over the weekend. It was so nice…
Suit #1: Gangsta, son, gangsta.
Suit #2: That’s how I roll, homie.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Amused
Executive assistant on phone: You know, I don't want to sound mean, but something I've noticed is: all the students who have (pause) problems… all take psychology courses! Why do you think that is? Maybe they're just trying to “figure it all out”?
Jesuit University
Maryland
Overheard by: Admin
Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?
Gaithersburg, Maryland
