Gossip

3PM Vendor Call

Co-worker #1, speaking loudly on headset phone: Well, yeah, I can totally relate to backlog problems! I mean during that refi boom we were just wall to wall with boxes full of papers. We were up to our necks in papers! If the fire marshal would’ve come in here, I’m pretty positive that he would’ve shut us down!

Co-worker #2: Should he really be saying that to our vendors?

Co-worker #3: Well, if we ever get closed down due to our vendors calling the fire department on us, at least we’ll know who to thank for the days off.

1350 Deming Way
Middleton, Wisconsin

2PM Smoke Break

Employee #1: Ugh! I hate it when [Allison] brings her bratty kid to work.
Employee #2: [Allison] knows he is a brat. He turned her into a coyote mother.
Employee #1: What?!
Employee #2: A coyote mother is when you gnaw your own ovaries off so you can’t have more brats.

Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi

1PM Deliverables Assessment

Employee: Is that why you broke up? No lobster, no nookie… I really didn’t mean to say that so loud.

2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick

10AM Smoke Break

Brit #1: What the fuck is her problem anyway?
Brit #2: She’s doing that thing.
Brit #1: What thing?
Brit #2: That Canadian thing where they pretend to be all nice because they’re from Canada when really, [putting on Canadian accent] they’re just, like, totally backstabbing dipshits, eh?’ I mean what kind of idiots would settle in a place where it hits minus 30, anyway?

V Parku
Prague, Czech Republic

3PM Smoke Break

Peon #1: Why is Laura gone already?
Peon #2: She had some medical stuff done today, I believe through the rectum, so she went home.

1441 West Long Lake Road
Troy, Michigan

3PM Smoke Break

Co-worker: Did you know every conversation we have in here, we aren’t supposed to have?

Sullivan Barracks
Mannheim, Germany

4PM Ad Copy Due

Co-worker #1: Do you guys know anybody with bad teeth?
Co-worker #2: I have pretty bad teeth.
Co-worker #1: No, somebody young.
Co-worker #2: So I have bad teeth and I’m old?
Co-worker #1: No, it’s for an anti-meth advertisement.
Co-worker #2: Well, I know people with bad teeth, but they’re all meth-heads.

78 Clinton Street
New York, NY

3PM Smoke Break

Sales #1: You mean he wants to get paid for the time he was screwing the company?
Sales #2: That’s what he said.

12 Nijara Street
Givat Shaul, Jerusalem
Israel

Overheard by: just dunno

3PM Seth’s Birthday Thing

Supervisor: Boy, that was one killer party! I’ve never kissed so many butts at once in my life!

640 5th Avenue
New York, NY

12PM Policy Meeting

Specialist: He thought it was “unfair” that we’d charge him a fee for cashing out his certificate before the maturity date.
Boss: He’s lucky he was talking to you. I’d have told him, “I had to put my cat to sleep last night; that’s unfair.”

2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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