Cube dweller #1: So, you were skinny before?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, I had a botched hernia. They nicked my bowel — it was like taking a dump on your organs.
Cube dweller #1: Man, that sucks. Didn’t you get a big settlement for it?
Cube dweller #2: No, because I survived. Besides, the old lady got most of it in the divorce.
Cube dweller #1: Man, I’m never getting married.
Simi Valley, California
Bookkeeper: He has a monkey! It’s a medically trained monkey. It can dial 911. What it tells them, I’m not sure…
Western Avenue
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: the sugar monster
Peon #1, after dealing with an idiot tech from another company: Maybe she has an extra chromosome.
Peon #2: Are you saying she has Downs Syndrome?
Peon #3: Maybe it’s like in Dune where you have the extra chromosome and you’re super-human.
Peon #2: Something tells me Frank Herbert wasn’t a geneticist.
Peon #1: I don’t know. Some of those retards are really strong. They’ll rip your fuckin’ arms off.
160 South Old Springs Road
Anaheim Hills, California
Overheard by: ApollyonBoB
Coworker: One of my high school teachers was fired for having inappropriate relationships with students… Apparently he had a thing for sisters.
New girl: Like nuns?
32 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Waitress #1: My sister is in the hospital because she just had her second liver transplant.
Waitress #2: Oh my god! Both of them?!
Waitress #1: Both of whats?
Waitress #2: Both of her livers?!
Waitress #1, turning to manager guy: Do you want to tell her, or should I?
McHenry, Illinois
Overheard by: Thank God I’m Me
Cube dweller: You would not believe what an expensive soy sauce can do!
535 Marquette Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Student: But she did it with a chimera.
4200 Emile Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Stall #1: … And so last week I told him the next time he wants a booty call, don’t call me!
Stall #2: So, like, did he call you again?
Stall #1: Yeah, and I went over there last night. He’s such a jerk!
Office
Rochester, Michigan
Overheard by: pee quiet
Chick #1: I miss birth control.
Chick #2: Me, too. Condoms are complicated.
South Inwood Road
Dallas, Texas
Cube dweller: I can’t believe I haven’t taken a shower in a week. You can’t tell, can you?
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: GeBuJuJu
