Gossip

X-ray tech getting off phone: My son wants me to come home so bad. My kids always get like that when they are sick.
Coworker: Well, isn’t your husband at home with him?
X-ray tech: Yes, but they always want me instead — they are so attached. It’s probably because I used to sing them this really cute song when they were babies.
Coworker: What’s that?
X-ray tech: ‘Mommy’s your best friend, Mommy’s your best friend, Daddy’s your second best friend!’

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Thugalicious Baller

Manager: Yeah, so at this new salon I can get my hair highlighted for $120, and that includes the shampoo, haircut, and blow job.

Bethesda, Maryland

Waitress: I ate so many pork sausages yesterday at the picnic, when I fart it sounds like a pig squealing [makes loud squealing sounds over and over].
Waiter: Did you used to be a guy or something?

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Boss, to friend: So then I took her out to my car and let little Spiderman fire his web shooter all over her fa…
Employee, from back in the stockroom: Aaaaaaaaaaaaarghh! Jesus Christ, I'm quitting.

Hot Topic
West Virginia

Overheard by: oh dear

Assistant: Oh my god, your caulk is dripping!

5001 East Harry Street
Wichita, Kansas

Worker lady: This year is my last birthday.

Post office, 10 Atlantic Street
Newark, New Jersey

Lady #1: … But he’s drunk all the time.
Lady #2: Everyone’s drunk all the time. I might be drunk right now!

8140 Lehigh Avenue
Morton Grove, Illinois

Overheard by: Amanda

Old lady on cell: Well, I went commando once, but the whole day I was just super paranoid. What if it got flies in it or something?

3501 Quail Springs Parkway
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Old woman at check-in desk: I used to have a lot more sex when I was younger… There weren’t any TVs back then.

Main Street
Wolfville, Nova Scotia
Canadia

Office drone: If we die it’ll be because of those Altoids.

3229 East Spring Street
Los Angeles, California