Student aide #1: So, what happened next?
Student aide #2: Well, I had my eyes closed, and the next thing I know my fat-ass brother is on top of me, sucking my ear.
1121 Duvall Highway
Pasadena, Maryland
Overheard by: Disturbed English Teacher
Student aide #1: So, what happened next?
Student aide #2: Well, I had my eyes closed, and the next thing I know my fat-ass brother is on top of me, sucking my ear.
1121 Duvall Highway
Pasadena, Maryland
Overheard by: Disturbed English Teacher
Soccer mom #1: The other night I saw a homeless man on the ground. It looked like he had fallen out of his wheelchair.
Soccer mom #2: Oh, no! Did you help him get back in it?
Soccer mom #3: No, you really shouldn’t, because he could hurt you.
Soccer mom #2: … Or bite you.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Cube dweller: I still don’t know if that was a man in a costume or a real nun that was grocery shopping!
Buffalo, New York
Chick: So, what are you doing tonight?
Dude: Going out.
Chick: Where are you going?
Dude: Somewhere.
Chick: Oh. With who?
Dude: People.
Chick: You’re staying home tonight, huh?
Dude: Yeah…
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: cupcakee
Coworker: I used to have a bunch of little beanbag Kermit dolls that got progressively blinder because I used to rub them against my chin and wear down the marble eyes.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Annabelle Nightingale
Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Cube dweller #1: So she was talking dirty to me last night and I was all asking her what she was thinking about.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah? What was it, dude?
Cube dweller #1: She was thinking about some role playing shit, so I told her to tell me details, you know? I wanted to know exactly what it was!
Cube dweller #2: Yeah…
Cube dweller #1: So she starts laughing and says, ‘I was actually trying to decide what boots I wanted to wear.’ I’m like, ‘You’re talking about boots when I have a fucking hard-on? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’
Cube dweller #2: Did you do it anyway?
Cube dweller #1: Naturally…
Scituate, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Glad my wife doesn’t wear boots….
Cube dweller #1: So, you were skinny before?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, I had a botched hernia. They nicked my bowel — it was like taking a dump on your organs.
Cube dweller #1: Man, that sucks. Didn’t you get a big settlement for it?
Cube dweller #2: No, because I survived. Besides, the old lady got most of it in the divorce.
Cube dweller #1: Man, I’m never getting married.
Simi Valley, California
Bookkeeper: He has a monkey! It’s a medically trained monkey. It can dial 911. What it tells them, I’m not sure…
Western Avenue
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: the sugar monster
Peon #1, after dealing with an idiot tech from another company: Maybe she has an extra chromosome.
Peon #2: Are you saying she has Downs Syndrome?
Peon #3: Maybe it’s like in Dune where you have the extra chromosome and you’re super-human.
Peon #2: Something tells me Frank Herbert wasn’t a geneticist.
Peon #1: I don’t know. Some of those retards are really strong. They’ll rip your fuckin’ arms off.
160 South Old Springs Road
Anaheim Hills, California
Overheard by: ApollyonBoB
